The Project: Kuwait

Psyched with Dr. D: Self-Handicapping and How to Overcome Failure and Gain Confidence

December 24, 2019 The Project Kuwait Season 1 Episode 102
The Project: Kuwait
Psyched with Dr. D: Self-Handicapping and How to Overcome Failure and Gain Confidence
Chapters
The Project: Kuwait
Psyched with Dr. D: Self-Handicapping and How to Overcome Failure and Gain Confidence
Dec 24, 2019 Season 1 Episode 102
The Project Kuwait

We break it down throughout the entire episode towards the end of the episode. Dr D, as always, gives some great advice on how to get around it. And we give you a cool little hashtag thio, you know, use as a mantra for the rest of your life.

spk_1:

00:39

Yes, that's enough. You're really like, just get better. Hashtag just get better.

spk_0:

00:46

So toe help us just get better. Leave us a rating. A review on iTunes and you may win a free T shirt. Yes, all this and more. You know, a recording right now. Right now already recovered. So are you gonna psychoanalyze me after my shitty weekend? I do. I

spk_1:

01:06

need thio. Actually, your city weekend let's hear about what happened

spk_0:

01:10

was horrible. It was absolutely horrible from start to finish.

spk_1:

01:14

Really? So you're going to hold on. Let me understand this. You went to Bahrain for a sport competition. You did one here and now You think that you're an expert, You should do 10 Every month. I

spk_0:

01:25

never thought I was never said I was an expert. I did well on the one that was

spk_1:

01:28

so you decided to sign up to all these other tournaments? Yeah. I mean why? No, I love it. I love to compete.

spk_0:

01:34

It's what keeps me going. My job socks, eyes yourself. Highly of Boston. I have. You can't even understand English. That's why we're way. Because

spk_1:

01:46

you and I, we have hit the fit list already in Arabic. So no one

spk_0:

01:51

you know, a bunch of guys from work listen to our show, by the way. Wow, You didn't see the post today When

spk_1:

01:57

I see any Post I had exams all day on. Then what was a Tony? I had students come to complain. This happens every time. Remember when you were a student? I tell student for 15 week. Please do a good job on your project. I've given them ample of time. And then I say, please don't wait till the last minute to come and ask me what you I can do to help you. I'm not a miracle worker. This always happens today. I had three or four, sir students that we were almost going Thio

spk_0:

02:24

rehearse that you gave us that speech every semester, every semester. Same would say the same thing every semester.

spk_1:

02:31

You know what? Save it doesn't work. So you know what I'm going to next? A mess that I will say Shit, I would say nothing because it does. It seems to me the people not listening to this is a final week. I get the students there either complaining about a process if the process doesn't work for them and there are getting a great suddenly now my process that I've been doing for 14 years, it's not good and it goes against policy. But if they were getting excellent, then you're a wonderful professor. I can wait. I take more of your class.

spk_0:

03:01

That's how it always is.

spk_1:

03:02

And then you get all these people coming for excuses that they haven't done the things that you've been telling them for 15 weeks to do it. And now that they're failing there, wondering What can I do? Please, I gotta graduate. I'm on probation. I'm on. What? I don't know. What? What can you do for them now? So yes, I'm on fire. So no, I haven't seen any instagram. I have done nothing but fight all day today. Seriously,

spk_0:

03:

Show Notes Transcript

We break it down throughout the entire episode towards the end of the episode. Dr D, as always, gives some great advice on how to get around it. And we give you a cool little hashtag thio, you know, use as a mantra for the rest of your life.

spk_1:

00:39

Yes, that's enough. You're really like, just get better. Hashtag just get better.

spk_0:

00:46

So toe help us just get better. Leave us a rating. A review on iTunes and you may win a free T shirt. Yes, all this and more. You know, a recording right now. Right now already recovered. So are you gonna psychoanalyze me after my shitty weekend? I do. I

spk_1:

01:06

need thio. Actually, your city weekend let's hear about what happened

spk_0:

01:10

was horrible. It was absolutely horrible from start to finish.

spk_1:

01:14

Really? So you're going to hold on. Let me understand this. You went to Bahrain for a sport competition. You did one here and now You think that you're an expert, You should do 10 Every month. I

spk_0:

01:25

never thought I was never said I was an expert. I did well on the one that was

spk_1:

01:28

so you decided to sign up to all these other tournaments? Yeah. I mean why? No, I love it. I love to compete.

spk_0:

01:34

It's what keeps me going. My job socks, eyes yourself. Highly of Boston. I have. You can't even understand English. That's why we're way. Because

spk_1:

01:46

you and I, we have hit the fit list already in Arabic. So no one

spk_0:

01:51

you know, a bunch of guys from work listen to our show, by the way. Wow, You didn't see the post today When

spk_1:

01:57

I see any Post I had exams all day on. Then what was a Tony? I had students come to complain. This happens every time. Remember when you were a student? I tell student for 15 week. Please do a good job on your project. I've given them ample of time. And then I say, please don't wait till the last minute to come and ask me what you I can do to help you. I'm not a miracle worker. This always happens today. I had three or four, sir students that we were almost going Thio

spk_0:

02:24

rehearse that you gave us that speech every semester, every semester. Same would say the same thing every semester.

spk_1:

02:31

You know what? Save it doesn't work. So you know what I'm going to next? A mess that I will say Shit, I would say nothing because it does. It seems to me the people not listening to this is a final week. I get the students there either complaining about a process if the process doesn't work for them and there are getting a great suddenly now my process that I've been doing for 14 years, it's not good and it goes against policy. But if they were getting excellent, then you're a wonderful professor. I can wait. I take more of your class.

spk_0:

03:01

That's how it always is.

spk_1:

03:02

And then you get all these people coming for excuses that they haven't done the things that you've been telling them for 15 weeks to do it. And now that they're failing there, wondering What can I do? Please, I gotta graduate. I'm on probation. I'm on. What? I don't know. What? What can you do for them now? So yes, I'm on fire. So no, I haven't seen any instagram. I have done nothing but fight all day today. Seriously,

spk_0:

03:

Support the show (https://www.instagram.com/p/Bl8NPB2H4Mf/?igshid=1m9w8d28oarlu&utm_source=fb_www_attr)

spk_0:   0:00
Theo Project brought. Wait, what you learn in this episode of the project

spk_1:   0:11
we talk about self had Gethin.

spk_0:   0:13
Oh yes, some Handi captains and I talked about how I sucked, but I don't some handicap.

spk_1:   0:18
And I talked about all these students that engages self handicapping because they know they're failing my class. But there are advantages and disadvantages

spk_0:   0:27
There really are. We break it down throughout the entire episode towards the end of the episode. Dr D, as always, gives some great advice on how to get around it. And we give you a cool little hashtag thio, you know, use as a mantra for the rest of your life.

spk_1:   0:39
Yes, that's enough. You're really like, just get better. Hashtag just get better.

spk_0:   0:46
So toe help us just get better. Leave us a rating. A review on iTunes and you may win a free T shirt. Yes, all this and more. You know, a recording right now. Right now already recovered. So are you gonna psychoanalyze me after my shitty weekend? I do. I

spk_1:   1:06
need thio. Actually, your city weekend let's hear about what happened

spk_0:   1:10
was horrible. It was absolutely horrible from start to finish.

spk_1:   1:14
Really? So you're going to hold on. Let me understand this. You went to Bahrain for a sport competition. You did one here and now You think that you're an expert, You should do 10 Every month. I

spk_0:   1:25
never thought I was never said I was an expert. I did well on the one that was

spk_1:   1:28
so you decided to sign up to all these other tournaments? Yeah. I mean why? No, I love it. I love to compete.

spk_0:   1:34
It's what keeps me going. My job socks, eyes yourself. Highly of Boston. I have. You can't even understand English. That's why we're way. Because

spk_1:   1:46
you and I, we have hit the fit list already in Arabic. So no one

spk_0:   1:51
you know, a bunch of guys from work listen to our show, by the way. Wow, You didn't see the post today When

spk_1:   1:57
I see any Post I had exams all day on. Then what was a Tony? I had students come to complain. This happens every time. Remember when you were a student? I tell student for 15 week. Please do a good job on your project. I've given them ample of time. And then I say, please don't wait till the last minute to come and ask me what you I can do to help you. I'm not a miracle worker. This always happens today. I had three or four, sir students that we were almost going Thio

spk_0:   2:24
rehearse that you gave us that speech every semester, every semester. Same would say the same thing every semester.

spk_1:   2:31
You know what? Save it doesn't work. So you know what I'm going to next? A mess that I will say Shit, I would say nothing because it does. It seems to me the people not listening to this is a final week. I get the students there either complaining about a process if the process doesn't work for them and there are getting a great suddenly now my process that I've been doing for 14 years, it's not good and it goes against policy. But if they were getting excellent, then you're a wonderful professor. I can wait. I take more of your class.

spk_0:   3:01
That's how it always is.

spk_1:   3:02
And then you get all these people coming for excuses that they haven't done the things that you've been telling them for 15 weeks to do it. And now that they're failing there, wondering What can I do? Please, I gotta graduate. I'm on probation. I'm on. What? I don't know. What? What can you do for them now? So yes, I'm on fire. So no, I haven't seen any instagram. I have done nothing but fight all day today. Seriously,

spk_0:   3:23
That is a great Segway toe. What I was gonna talk about. Well, good. Here's Here's the thing. You're right. People don't complain when they do well about someone giving them a little extra credit or whatever it is, they're not gonna come to complain about that. But if they think that they were wrong even if they socked the whole semester and they didn't do their job properly, then that's when they'll come and complain in They'll bitch. And they'll say it was this. It was that it was this in that that's right. And that's why I sent you the picture of you know that page today? That's right. Brushing up on my cycle.

spk_1:   3:53
It was funny X. I laughed because the at the time that you send it to me, there was a student right in front of me. Are you queuing about the process? Exactly. So I said, I finally had enough while I was really your thing, I thought so, Isa, I said. So let me understand this when my process doesn't meet your need Now my process is lousy and it's no good, but or the way I great is not good. But if I would have given you very good or excellent, you know, then you would have come in here and acted like you deserve the very good and excellent and that there was nothing wrong with my process. And then he doesn't even address that as much as he addresses the idea off. I mean, the guy was like talking about so many things. I have no idea what he was talking about. And then I was like, Okay, whatever. So today, all day and then another person coming in and and talking about, you know, I give opportunity for extra credit, Remember that, right? I I don't have to do to do a lot of my colleagues think that that's stupid, that I do it, but I've been doing it for 15 years. I give opportunity for my students to Goto Workshop just so they can increase their attendance in a U. K activities, you know? And because I want him to be part off a UK process, it makes a difference. Makes a big difference. Makes it different. And I don't even ask for summary. I just say go. It has to be election where you learn something and it doesn't even have to be cycle. You

spk_0:   5:14
don't do summaries anymore. No, I

spk_1:   5:16
don't do summaries. And I say I just want you Doesn't have to be psychology. Just go. You are able to earn so many points. And let me tell you a lot of those people that are complaining about it because they've earned so much extra credit point. Because I know my exams are very difficult. They do really well in my class. So you do that

spk_0:   5:33
your exams there's always gonna know your exams are so easy. I'm joking. That was sarcasm.

spk_1:   5:39
Because I know that. And I know that some people have test anxiety. Fine. You're always gonna have somebody coming to ruin the process for you. Pretty soon I'm even gonna remove extra credit because these people come. They don't follow rules. They don't get the signature they need. And they're complaining about something I'm doing nice for them, huh? So today, yes, I'm pissed. But let's hear about your week and maybe it's better than mine.

spk_0:   6:02
Sure, I'll analyze you. You want You want to analyze me? Okay, so I get in Thursday night. Hey and Dijon with me. Obviously, that's already a bummer for me because I adore my family. And when I travel, I'd love to. I love to have them with me all the time, especially from competing. And I compete at my age because I just love to compete. When And we've talked about this on the show, if you don't feel fulfilled and certain aspects of your life you seek that fulfillment, I seek my fulfillment through competitive sports. That's just how I've been since I was a little kid. You know, it's what makes me tick. And this competition was a little different. Was elf it? Bahrain? There were a lot of big names, like guys that are, like, professional, so to speak. So they were gonna kick my ass anyways and I qualified at the bottom and my hope waas to make it up 15 20 spots and it went sour like from the morning of had breakfast went, Did my first event did? Well, first event did really well, get off the competition floor. I'm laying down when my body's comes. Like I'm just kind of laying on the bench because something's wrong. Like every time I jumped up on the bar to do a pope, I thought I was gonna puke. So then, you know, I was like, All right. I was like, Yusef, give me a minute, go to the bathroom. Not even making it to the bathroom. I throw up all over the beach, and it just went down from there like it was just a downward spiral for the whole day, huh? So I go back, I'm like, Okay, I can't eat because my stomach's all messed up.

spk_1:   7:31
So it is. It's anxiety. Or did you really have a stomach flu? I think it was a

spk_0:   7:34
stomach bug because I wasn't viewing great. And then I go to the hotel room and lay down order some pasta because I'm like, All right, let me have some fast carbs. You know, let me get some carbs in May, through everything up. I need something in my system cause in crossfit you compete like three times a day. So there was the morning, the afternoon in the, you know, the early evening event, and I go back to the hotel room. I'm in bed, sweat shivers, whole nine yards. And then I get a message from one of my buddies who goes. Dude, you almost beat so and so. And you beat this guy in your 400 years older than him. I am cracking up, and

spk_1:   8:11
that's it. Make you feel better.

spk_0:   8:12
That did. I got right up out of bed, you know, like the adrenaline kicked in. I got out of bed and I was like, All right, I'm gonna do this, you know? I'm totally game, I'm fine. Whatever. And then I went into the next event and I knew double unders jumping rope. It's, you know, it's not just one single jump. Now you do it twice. She's so it was 50 double unders, and I'm really bad at double unders. And it's not that I can't do it

spk_1:   8:36
that at one nevertheless, double it's easy to get once you practice it. But

spk_0:   8:41
for me, for some reason it's in my head. I don't have that built up confidence, so I think I handicap myself every time going into it and it's, you know, I'm like, Oh, I'm gonna fail and sure, shit, I fail every time. So it was a bad event. It wasn't that bad, but it was still bad. Like I finished 28th came out of that still wasn't feeling 100%. We go into our last event and we were the fifth heat and it was on the beach. So this one was a weightlifting event. So you're carrying £150 You clean it up to your chest and then you press it overhead. And there were four heats before us, so they were doing that with roughly the same amount of weights that tour up the ground. So my little area that they gave me had a two foot dip like a big hole in another big hole. And I have it on video. I'm telling the organizer like, Dude, I don't want to snap my ankle. Well, so he's like, just stay in one spot and I'm like, Really, I do 30 of these. You want me to stay in one spot says so. He does that. Whatever it starts, I pick up the bar. I don't let go. Get through 12. Then my foot kind of slips into the cave and my right side drops jacks up my shoulder a little bit, and then I'm just like, all right, I gotta finish the event. So I still finished it. But it's just like, what could go wrong went wrong.

spk_1:   9:55
Oh, my God.

spk_0:   9:56
Nevertheless, I didn't complain. I didn't use any excuses, and I still not using any excuses. I refused to do it. Good, because I'd rather think that I just sucked and I have to get better. That's it.

spk_1:   10:06
Good. So you're not may not complaining. I get to the last day. Uh,

spk_0:   10:11
so I'm checking my phone. The schedule all night. Friday night. See what time? You know, the last event is and I didn't hit. Refresh eso are. Maybe I did. Or maybe I just switched off my phone like nine o'clock or 8 30 You missed it. I missed the update on Instagram that it was moved from 10 to 9

spk_1:   10:31
as you serious. So I'm in my cabin,

spk_0:   10:34
my coach calls me or send me a message at nine hen saying Hey, where are you like home on my way to the event. Now he's like, What time are you going on? Like, I think 10 o'clock. Let me check. I check and says 9 21 And I looked at the clock 11. I'm like, Oh, shit. Luckily, we're close. So literally from cab. I'm running. And thank God I had my coach there, and he wasn't competing, and he was actually there. Like, as a coach. Full capacity was awesome because Rob saved my ass. I'm running with my carry on because I was gonna go straight to the airport running in my carry on in my gym bag. Thanks. I was just giving me Just give it to me. What do you need? Which bag is it in? I'm like, Oh, everything I need is in that bag. I just need my belt and that's it. So he's like, just go line up, try and warm up a CZ much as you can, And because it was literally going onto a rower, it was a 500 meter row, six rope climbs, 500 meter row, two minute break, and then a max weight lifting thing. So obviously you need to warm up a little bit. Obviously. So. Well,

spk_1:   11:34
you did warm up by running the A drilling he was like. And by being worried that you might miss the so this also, it's a warm up. Usually takes me,

spk_0:   11:46
like 1/2 an hour to warm up to get, like, everything's

spk_1:   11:49
really yeah, really need 1/2 an hour warm

spk_0:   11:51
grease my joint and, like, get everything moving. You got to come to a CrossFit class one day. I try. I think you'd enjoy

spk_1:   11:59
that. Exams would be finished.

spk_0:   12:01
I will. You should come be fun. So I'm on the floor and again, not complaining. The guys like we'll try and change your time. The head organizer said no. I was like, dude, whatever it is what it is, you know? Yeah. Chalk it up to what it is I get on the rower. I do like three rope climbs, and I just can't do it. I just It was a new rope in the lake. I was whatever. I just can't do this shit. So I just start warming up for the next event because, like, I'm trying to be positive, like, Okay, maybe I can nail something good in the next event to score up. And it was just like nothing. He was okay. Like I did good for being as cold as I waas because on that next event, the weight lifting one I usually warm up with, you know, I'll start with, like, £95.105 150 gradually build up. So my max, wait, I couldn't do that. It was You have two minutes to, like, try to do some overhead squats and whatever just to get, like loose. And it was Ah, yeah, it was a doozy and said, uh, it was a bad experience. That was horrible. It was horrible. But, I mean, there

spk_1:   13:03
were other Meet any new people. Yeah, didn't make

spk_0:   13:07
men have met a lot of new people.

spk_1:   13:09
It was worth going. Are you time?

spk_0:   13:12
It would have been better. It was. It's always worth it. In my opinion, any experience is worth it. And it's and like, you know, eventually, like, you know, I still coach baseball. And probably maybe one day I might coach CrossFit, I don't know. But if I do, I have experience in this and we were talking the other day about guys that coaches sport our coach weightlifting or CrossFit or whatever it may be, and they've never competed before. So

spk_1:   13:36
I have a question. If I ever want to compete in anything. I mean, I figured one day in my life before I die, I would like to compete in one sport so I don't know how to swim. I don't know how to ride a bike. And so I was thinking, Now what do you recommend I should like? I mean, one day I would like to build stamina for some sports. I don't know which one

spk_0:   13:59
Spartan race would be good. There's no swimming in the Spartan race. There's no biking. If you do a triathlon that has biking it. Oh, no. And I can to try and you could do a five K run. You do

spk_1:   14:08
a five Katy, you could do five k run, but then that means I have to learn how

spk_0:   14:11
to run. But if you want to be a badass, you could be oh, about D bad ass. You should use your spy races are fun.

spk_1:   14:19
Spar 10 race and there in Dubai and they're in Dubai. Oh, that would be

spk_0:   14:22
great fun and you get money

spk_1:   14:24
and I really what? I need mud. And what else?

spk_0:   14:28
No. They give you the money way.

spk_1:   14:29
Have to learn how to go into

spk_0:   14:31
it. You know, it's it's like, basically spartan races. They'll put obstacles in front of you. And if you can't do the op,

spk_1:   14:37
that's hard for something easy. What do you need? Something that would require a lot of commemoration five k run.

spk_0:   14:46
Come to a crossfit class. You can compete every day,

spk_1:   14:48
but a CrossFit. Okay, well, I can compete as a cross fitter. You can

spk_0:   14:53
do that? Yeah. You can definitely compete across with her.

spk_1:   14:55
And so I just have to take some cross fit classes. But I heard that you die

spk_0:   15:00
when cross. You don't. It depends on the code.

spk_1:   15:02
Heart rate will be an amazingly high. Am I have a heart attack. You know, I'm much older than you.

spk_0:   15:07
If it's a good coach or a good good Jim,

spk_1:   15:10
Well, wait till you become a coach. Then you could coach me.

spk_0:   15:13
I will never coached. Cross me. I will never. I don't think I would ever want a coach. Crossfit. It is the most pacifying sport. Look in all honesty in, like, 56 years, maybe 10 years. I don't think I will be around anymore. Thio time

spk_1:   15:29
learning something is gonna be no finished. But what do you mean, waste

spk_0:   15:33
time? You're learning new skills like gymnastics. I can walk on my hands. I can do ring muscle ups. I can do slops.

spk_1:   15:40
You can learn

spk_0:   15:40
that there are a lot of people that learn it. So wait.

spk_1:   15:43
So let's talk about yourself. Handicapping I didn't know, you know,

spk_0:   15:47
about home on In all honesty, I did itself. I never self handicapped. We never I never saw a handicap.

spk_1:   15:52
What brought up this idea That you wanted to tell you myself handicapped?

spk_0:   15:55
Because I saw a lot of athletes. Ah, ah, Lot of, um, do that They self handicapped. They go into the event saying, Oh, the bar is really slippery because it was raining that morning and I looked at him and I go, You know what? The best part about having no experience is CrossFit is I don't give a shit. It doesn't make a difference for me. It doesn't make any difference.

spk_1:   16:14
So to clarify, for people are listening to a self handicapping are like giving kind of excuses for your failures. So, for example, if someone has an exam tomorrow, like so my student and if you have exam today and then they spend the night partying or you know, going out or doing something and not studying for their exam itself handicapping because then when they get a D or F, then they could say, Well, it's not my fault. I just didn't get a good night's sleep or I didn't really have time to study or, you know, I had other things to do. Like a lot of my students say that, Well, I had a lot of family commitment. I didn't really have time to study. I had to do these things because my father asked me or my mom. So all of these things ourself handicapped. So whenever you don't succeed in something, you blame it or you use excuses off the external, whatever force,

spk_0:   17:07
or you bring up those external forces beforehand. So you give yourself that expects right? And I think some cross fighters athletes in general, are the biggest wussies. The best word I could use. There's boiled, they're very spoiled.

spk_1:   17:24
They complain about everyone's thing. They shouldn't be spoiled because that they're learning preserve variance as they're learning that you would think that there's they're learning how to mental, uh, fitness. Yeah, I don't know. I can't imagine that they're spoiled because they're really working hard on teaching themselves how to.

spk_0:   17:41
But I think the younger generation I heard a lot of guys complaining about Oh, the bar is gonna be slippery. This is gonna be slippery. They're putting tape on their hands and doing all kinds of crazy shit. I was like

spk_1:   17:53
dozens in case they don't make it. Then they completely

spk_0:   17:55
combined it on the bar. And then

spk_1:   17:57
because you know itself handicapping is has a lot to do with the ability of kind of protecting our self confidence.

spk_0:   18:03
Exactly. Yeah, so they don't want their shot to the ego. That's right. And that's why you didn't see my post today. But in my post, I said I sucked like, plain

spk_1:   18:13
and simple right? I said I had nothing to do with anything else. It look I could happen. It could have been anything

spk_0:   18:19
my coach said he was like, Yeah, but you had this. You had that and it was like looking up. I sucked. That's it. You know, like I take it as I suck. Any athlete should be able to perform in any given goddamn situation. I played baseball games with cows and right field. Literally. I swear to God we went to Maine and in right field there were cows. Like That's the way

spk_1:   18:39
I wonder why a lot of people have a difficult time taking responsibility for their failures. Why is it that we're constantly looking for excuses or things to blame it on out to the ego? I mean, I know, but, I mean, it has to be a little bit more than that, because we cannot just constantly have to protect our eagle because we can't accept the fact that we suck. I mean, it takes a big person like yourself to say, Well, I stalk. I just didn't know what the hell I was doing. I didn't check the right schedule, so I was lady. Yeah,

spk_0:   19:10
I know. Look, I knew what I was doing. I've done all these movements and everything, and when I analyze it and I break it down and I looked at everything that I had been doing leading up Thio this weekend. I think I did everything that I usually do. Maybe my intensity could have been higher and training. Maybe I should have practiced some more sprint type of workouts versus I do long work out sometimes. So I mean, it's It's just luck of the draw, you know? But that's what I kind of love about CrossFit is. You don't know what to expect. Like here it is. You have to do it right. So no matter what, you're gonna do it. And when people come up with excuses, especially when it comes to sports, it drives me nuts. It's like, Dude, but you knew what you were getting yourself into. You knew what the repercussions were. If you don't do well, So when my coach like, Oh, there's that was like Dude, I saw that was it. I gotta get better. That's it,

spk_1:   20:02
right? But it's so interesting because a lot of people do it so unconsciously, for example, like whenever I get you know, when I get clients or even students staying on and then I say, Just wait a minute, you know, think about what you're saying. They're like, No, I'm not making excuses I swear to you, I'm not making excuses is just the way it waas I have been able to sleep all night. I've had difficulty sleeping now. Some of these things could be true. Yes, you've been having difficult time sleeping. And yes, that probably might have contributed to why you're moody or why you didn't do well in an exam. But and I think what people really need to understand is that when we give excuses and not take responsibility for our action, it does not allow us to be able to learn from our mistake and to move forward. Exactly. People spend a lot of time like today three or four students already. All of them. I mean and they were not hearing me like like one student. I said to him, Listen to me. I don't think you're understanding what I'm saying to I understand. These are obstacles you have struggled with this year. Even though you have never told me and I don't really know what's going on. And now you are expecting me to make a change because you had all these obstacles. But what do you do? Like I have to work hard to get you to pass. Okay, That was my job. What would be your job than in in this whole process? Uh, but you don't understand. I was doing this and I was doing that, and I just didn't have a good semester. I'm and I have this other student constantly. She emails my illness. Finally, I said, You know, I don't understand your illness. Please come And let's talk about your illness. Generally understand when people use thes terminology and I think it's because she's already preparing me think for two things. She's either preparing me and herself. That if she doesn't pass, is because she had an illness, which I don't even know what it is because most of the time these individuals that have major illness, we already know about it. And if they have special needs, we already know from the counseling center. But I don't know anything. And then the other thing is, is that probably to make me, because in this part of the world, people really worry about you judging them. So I'm assuming there in case she doesn't do well, which she's a good student, by the way. If she doesn't do well, then I don't have to judge her. I just have to be able to explain her grade by saying she had an illness. So in this part of the world, you do find it a lot where people are constantly preparing you or telling you all these, like little things that are happening in their life without really realizing that this is self handicapping and they're sabotaging is the same thing as you're

spk_0:   22:38
sabotaging their progress.

spk_1:   22:39
Of course,

spk_0:   22:40
You know what I

spk_1:   22:41
did today. You know what I fucking did?

spk_0:   22:43
But when I left my house, I had my goddamn jumper with me and every fucking second I had today with free to myself. I was doing goddamn double unders in my office and I sucked Work. No, I do work, but look, that's the difference between me and everybody else. If I need a break from work and I know that I'm starting because I have a lot of guys that come in and I have a lot of one on one discussions. So mentally, if I'm in a bad mood, I tell people to piss off sometimes. And it's not good because, you know, it's not their fault. So I need my mental breaks from time to time, which, you know, last five minutes. How long does it take to do 50 double understeer, baby by minute

spk_1:   23:24
by you. Doing that is because when you recognize you sucked, it has nothing to do with your stomach flu and your family not being with holes in the ground. Nothing. So when you decided OK, I know all these things have happened. You recognized it. But you realize that the ultimate reason why you didn't do as well as you want to do is because of you sucked at it or you weren't prepared. Whatever. Maybe here.

spk_0:   23:46
Maybe I am good at it. But I just sucked this weekend that

spk_1:   23:50
maybe this weekend wasn't your day.

spk_0:   23:51
Or maybe because exactly that's the beauty about sports. And I think life in general is you can be the greatest in the world and have an off day, and the worst person in the world could beat you on that off day. That's sports. And that's life in general. So I mean, it's like if if you're at work and you're you know, you don't have a skill in excel or whatever it is You gonna learn it? You don't build these excuses up.

spk_1:   24:16
You know what people really need to understand? Is that is it to come up with these excuses? Takes a lot more effort Not to say that these excuses did exist. Like when my students says my illness not lying to me. So none of these does. Stuff are lying. So it But if I have an exam tomorrow and I decided I'm going to stay up watching a movie, right? So I'm already sabotaging the idea that maybe I have anxiety about this test. Maybe. I know I'm not gonna do well in the class anyway, So therefore, if I watch a movie, at least I'll have a reason to help myself recognize that I'm going to feel real excuses.

spk_0:   24:51
You have real excuses and bullshit excuses.

spk_1:   24:54
I mean, why would you watch a movie when you have a test tomorrow? Exactly. Because why? Why do you think people do that? People do this all the time. Like you have a big project presentation

spk_0:   25:03
would answer that. Honestly,

spk_1:   25:05
I mean, seriously, I don't understand. You know, a big presentation. Okay, I do. This happens even at work, like people have a big presentation. They got a present. Why would you not get enough sleep? Why would you want to go to your Diwaniya, Sit until 102 o'clock in the morning and come back? Sleep very little. So the next day exceed yourself. I'm tired.

spk_0:   25:22
People actually do that work. I don't do that.

spk_1:   25:23
Actually, people like we'll hang out. I will not sleep very well. Even though the next day they've got a big assignment to D'oh. Why even say yes to that presentation? Yeah, What do you know? Why? Because they don't think Because they don't think that they have presentation anxiety. They think that they're not good at presenting whatever they were gonna present. They're going to suck out it anyways. So this way they can tell their boss. Look, it's not because I am a bad employee and not prepared. It is that I couldn't sleep very well. So here's a

spk_0:   25:55
question. Then why is it when I say before I go into a competition or an event I said, I'm probably gonna suck it this and be in last place. I usually do a lot better because

spk_1:   26:03
you buy you say in that you're unconsciously trying to prepare yourself for a competition. See you, that's that's yeah, you're a competitors now. Other people would not do that because that would be a self sabotaging anyways. So self fulfilling prophecy. If you're saying that I'm going to suck at this, and what happened is that you will. But a lot of times people like yourself to have that personality where you're like challenging yourself. Then maybe it will motivate you. But it doesn't really work in the majority. The majority of individuals who feel that they're not good athlete and they're not going to do well anyways. What they do is they'll do engage in this self and even the good athletes

spk_0:   26:42
like this guy who's been doing CrossFit for like, 11 years. He's gone to the CrossFit games. He's like a true he's like the greatest of all time, like people do Call him the Goat Miko. And when I told him I was like, Yeah, everyone's complaining about the rain, I was like, How do you feel about it? Because I love this. He was like, I love it. He was like, This is great. You can be a challenge. You like, Yeah, you know, it's CrossFit. It's whatever whatever is thrown at you and

spk_1:   27:05
the people with that added to do much better. And he did. But it has to do with confidence.

spk_0:   27:10
And he's my age. And he's your age. These guys that were competing against their younger Oh, yeah, they're on their twenties

spk_1:   27:16
over my ass. Handed to me AA

spk_0:   27:19
meeting with kids later. Like and not that that

spk_1:   27:22
compete with kids. They're younger than you. Yeah. Don't you guys have a, like, an age?

spk_0:   27:26
Some of them away? Yeah, Like I usually go into masters events, which is 35 to 40. And with this one, it was open. So for me, it was like, All right, You know what? Like, I want to see how I am against the younger kids and against guys. Some of these guys have been doing this for 34 years. Five

spk_1:   27:44
years ago. Why did you wait so long before you start competing?

spk_0:   27:47
Um, I didn't like crossfit before,

spk_1:   27:50
so I know.

spk_0:   27:51
I I think now it has that edge that I look for the push your limits. Okay? Because I like to see how far I can actually push myself is

spk_1:   28:01
what self handicapping technique are you using before when other people I'm sure that your coats has probably suggested you said competing? You said no,

spk_0:   28:09
but I never told

spk_1:   28:10
me this was never the idea. All

spk_0:   28:11
right. I tried cross across video last year. It was like last May. I looked at my coach. I looked at Robin's like, Rob, I think I want to do competitive CrossFit And he goes, Are you sure? He's like, you know, it takes a lot of years toe get good at this and I said, Yeah, my goal is 45 like I want to go. I want to really compete at a higher level 45 years old cause I know realistically, I'm not gonna get good overnight. It's just impossible. It's like you don't get your PhD overnight, you know what I mean? Well,

spk_1:   28:38
some people think they can, I think, no, all over. Well, I suddenly they've got this, so it's even in these competitions. I'm not

spk_0:   28:47
going in expecting a lot like these guys have put more time and they've put more effort. They've dunmore in this sport. I'm new. I don't care. In three years, I'll care a little bit more, but right now it's the experience. And just seeing how close I can get to the guys that have been doing this for so long if I go into every event thinking I'm gonna lose, yeah, I'm probably gonna lose. But I go into this thing loose, and I'm like, All right, I wanna have fun. See how I can do against these younger guys And, you know, hopefully I can do well, but I don't walk into saying, Oh, you know, they're all so much younger. They're gonna be beat May. And you know, they've got this advantage. They've got that advancement. I do that. Then I'm just an asshole, right? Sorry.

spk_1:   29:29
The ideas is that a year ago, you have decided that

spk_0:   29:32
you're going to do a competitive

spk_1:   29:33
CrossFit. And now you're going in there, even though you're in your thirties. So I guess you could have started earlier competing and other things. But you didn't have a computer. No,

spk_0:   29:41
I did. Yeah. I mean, I was a baseball player. Well, baseball player, but he never competed, like, wait individually. And this is my first individual like type of thing. Like I did a triathlon, but that was just for fun. Um, just cause I wanted to put it on my bucket list in, say, I could do But this is like, This is individual. This is what I love about it, especially when I'm training alone is it's you against the claw and it's all about your self belief. It zits such a mental game. When you do a round of like, I don't know, 30 Barbies and on that 15th Barbie, when you want to quit, what stops you from quitting? What keeps you going? There's that split second that you have, where it will make or break you. You have a split second, and it's Do I stop or do I keep going? Some people choose

spk_1:   30:30
to see that to herself. Handicapping comes in. It's the ideas. Is that so? Let's say the person who's competing stays up LA the night before, even though they know they have a competition. They have to get a good night's sleep. But they stay up knowing that when they get to that part where they're doing Burpees and they are in the mid halfway. And now this. What makes the difference is that if they already have thes excuse off that they didn't get enough sleep that way. If they give up, then they don't have to feel bad about giving up, because it's only normal that I'm too tired. And that's why I couldn't come. I can't finish it. Yeah, So again, I think we come back to that confidence ability. Is that you know, maybe from the beginning, you knew that you could do your best. Not that from the beginning. You do. You're gonna win. But from the beginning, you are the type of person that doesn't give up. And you have a personality that no matter what, nothing stops you. You'll do the best and you'll try. Even if you didn't win percent.

spk_0:   31:28
Even if I suck you right five. While

spk_1:   31:31
other people you know to be able to have that mental maturity where they can really recognize I'm gonna do my best if I win or if I lose. The main thing is that I've done my best. I think that requires a certain maturity and some people are not there.

spk_0:   31:47
See, I know people that won't compete if they see other people competing in the same competition because they're afraid of losing.

spk_1:   31:54
Your name is I even know people. Now that you said this, it came to my mind, was the chairwoman of the American Business Council. And a lot of times, of course, once a year we would have people running for the board. I remember this person came to me and I was in HK ordering them to run because that really good qualities that we needed for the board Do you know what he said to me is like only if you guarantee I will win. And I was thinking to myself, home, I'm not gonna guarantee it's all about boats. I said What happened is that you really need Thio be ableto you know, campaign and be able to get people to vote for you. You will not have a problem because he's really a nice person. But that tells you right there, that self handicap is like people. I mean, not only it's it's the ideas is that people need to have a guarantee off. Sir Tin thinks because they don't want to put themselves vulnerable where they might not win, and then that's a reflection. I mean, if you don't win has nothing, no reflection like this person. I was thinking, What if you don't win has nothing to do with the quality, just happens to be that this other candidate has a lot more supporters that are voting for him. Not every person that has won a post or one a position there really are good at it has, especially when it comes to having people vote for you. You know, whenever you have the same thing as presidency and government and all that's like, it doesn't mean that you're really good because you lose.

spk_0:   33:13
That doesn't mean you're you, sock. I think this person, but I know. But it doesn't mean that you're a horrible person. If you lose it something that

spk_1:   33:21
means you had the guts to actually do it. That means you have the

spk_0:   33:23
falls to step up to the plate. That means you had the balls toe, put yourself out there, exact and try to succeed at something that maybe you knew you didn't. The odds were stacked against you, but you put yourself up there and the asshole that's looking in saying, Oh my God, I can't believe how bad he did will do what did you do? Oh,

spk_1:   33:41
yes. And I think if we can get everyone to think about is that way where it is not a matter of like if I win or lose, that has a reflection about me. But more about that I put myself out there that other people will not put themselves out there. I took a risk that a lot of people might not take a risk. So for this person, if he should have just thought about it, that he was putting himself at a risk putting himself out, they're even though he was not a popular candidate. And just having to do and make that kind of a decision will not be a much more of a successful story than to think about. I didn't win, which means that people don't like me. Therefore, I suck and you know what happens. Like we all engage in this negative thinking, and this is like a viral or dramatically winning or losing has a lot to do with me as a person, and it doesn't really have a lot to do with me. It's not gonna do the best I can, but the rest of it you know we cannot fate, you know, luck all of these things. But

spk_0:   34:41
a player play a brief Marcy, too. At the end of the day, it's not the outcome. It's how we played the game. Sometimes it's what we put into it. It's the heart that was in it. You know, the other coach from an MP Ellie, who is at a UK with us. She was in the worst like section for her double unders for her jump rope. The guy that it was in her section before that screamed at the judge. How the f um, I supposed to do my double unders when all these corners or sticking up? Because it kept catching on to his rope. She didn't have an idea, and she didn't know why she was tripping up on her W. But you know what I learned from that? She kept going. She she was persistent at trying to get it done. She didn't just throw her, you know, throw a rope to the side and quit or sit there and scream at the judge like the other guy. No, she just kept going. She kept trying, and to me, that said more that spoke volumes versus the guy that was yelling at the judge in blaming the judge in the organizer's versus the other person, the other contestant who didn't know what was going on. It was just like, Why don't why am I tripping on my double under? Like she didn't say anything, She just kept trying.

spk_1:   35:47
And the thing is, is a granted that they waas sticky and granted. There was an op to call to this guy, winning whatever it is what I what I always wonder, is that Why do people spend a lot of time that he spent a lot of time trying to yell at the judges for something? You're wasting time on the clock. He is waste to town. Not only that, is that the idea is is that why don't we just do our best and and and not worry about? You know, the judges or the condition is that I'm there to do a job and let me just do it without having to come up with all these like obstacles and these are you know, again, I want to reiterate that sometimes these obstacles do exist. Yes, you did stay out all night and that's why he didn't do any well. And there's

spk_0:   36:29
an asshole if you do

spk_1:   36:30
that. But it's like, you know, what people have to understand is that you're sabotaging yourself handy, Cappie, and because you're you're trying to I mean and I feel like they're two type of people is that they're either afraid there, for they're afraid to perform the next day. So if it's an exam or if it's a presentation or if it's a race, they already or having a lot of anxiety toward that activity and therefore they're going to sabotage it or the ideas is that they were worried about people's judgment in case they don't win that race. And so therefore, let me give them a reason that we don't believe

spk_0:   37:05
five for athletes, those air, the mediocre athletes, the elite athletes. You will never catch them screwing around the night before a big event or something that happened. It's just the guys that are in the middle that like to put on a show, to think they're you know they will enter into competitions that they guarantee winning in

spk_1:   37:25
our commitment. It requires committee exactly, and I think these newer people is like it's all about putting things on your instagram. You're hosting it and making it look like you're such an athlete because you just, you know, you were involved in the five K or 10 k, like recently we had the gulf, you know, 10 care of five K called bank or end became. All these banks do these things, which is wonderful. And then you get all these people are like there and then already when you get there, they're like, Oh, you know, my back hurts my black hurt, you know? Oh, my God. I miss my Islamic is nauseous this morning. I don't know what happened and and, you know and then the ideas is that be there making a preparation. Now if they win the race and they're like, Oh, great, even under bad obstacles are fine, but the majority there like preparing you. So that way, if they don't win, I don't have to ask what happened already. Know what happened because they've already prepared me not to judge them again. I think has has a lot to do with judgment. And it has a lot to do with Don't judge me. I'm not a bad runner. I I'm just had it bad night. Had a bad day, you know? And and even like, today's, like the student said to me. But don't judge Mita. I'm like, you know, Look, I'm not really judging you. I've only seen you for 15 weeks. I can make that much. I mean, although I'm a psychologist, I'm not gonna make an evaluation on your character. You might be a great stew student, and you're gonna be a great father. A great house opened. But for me, in this class, you haven't really demonstrated responsibility. Right? But you don't understand. I was under a lot of pressure. Was this? That was that? And I'm like, You know what? And the social psychology where I do teach self handicapping. I said, You know what? You don't really need to spend any more time, so I have a lot of things to do. You've got a lot of things to do. Don't spend a lot of time thinking about what happened. Why don't you just listen to me and take note of what I'm saying to you? That you didn't demonstrate responsibility. But you're judging me now. It became a story off. You're judging me. I'm really a great person, you know. I know you don't know me that while it became so personalized and I'm like, I'm not judging you personalizing it. I'm just saying, in this class I required these requirements and deadlines and you didn't meet them. How does have to do with you as a person? You might be a great guy where you have to do with me and so automatically, you know, you get these individuals, they're prepared to give you all the bad things that have happened to them this semester or this week. Or and, you know, I pulled an all nighter. I said, why? You've had this project for six weeks. Why do you need a pulling all nighter for six weeks Project? You know, again, you procrastinate. You pulled an all nighter. So that means you should be anticipating that you're not going to win

spk_0:   40:11
the Oh, yeah. No, you're right.

spk_1:   40:13
You know what I mean? No, but I do well as a procrastinator. Well, obviously, obviously that really doesn't work, have you? So how people really get into that ideas like though, but you know, does to people engaged himself handicapping. What do you think?

spk_0:   40:29
Oh, hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. So, Oh, should they, you know, they should engage yourself handy,

spk_1:   40:35
people. It's a coping mechanism. Love

spk_0:   40:36
that. You just you just you just put in the Segway that I wanted to go into to rapping. Ah, I was just going to say what 10 people? D'oh! Not to self handicap. You can go first with the educational smart side of it, and then I'll give you my bro side. Look,

spk_1:   40:52
I think self handicapping is a coping mechanism and I think for some people that really need it, especially sensitive people, people with really released, sensitive ego on once a week, ego and individuals that really don't have a lot of confidence. Now what purpose isn't doing its only band dating a situation that you really need to work on confidence. So I feel like for a little bit, you know, if it's gonna help you be able to function and not become depressed and suicidal because you are having a lot of failures and you're taking it personal, and that's gonna affect your mental health than I could say that it could be a coping mechanism, but on the wrong run is doesn't work. Because what's gonna happen now, As my student, they're doing it as a student. Okay, But later on, when you are working when you're married, when you've got kids, you're not gonna be able to continue coming up with these obstacles. So justify why you are failing in certain areas. You're gonna have to just, like be ableto handle or challenge yourself. What? I also think that its people can stop just like we were saying earlier. You're confident can increase a lot more if you don't see it as a failure as much as you see it as you put yourself out there, I really respect people that take a risk.

spk_0:   42:11
It's a learning opportunity, and this is where I'm gonna put my summary. And in sports, you go into a sport getting ready for the unknown. I don't know

spk_1:   42:19
where that little outfit I'm

spk_0:   42:21
not. Yeah, but in sports, it's like you're going in to compete with somebody. There is probably going to be a judge or a referee you can't handle or control. How that judge a referee is going to judge you or ref give you, you know, the standards or whatever it is. But if you give them the chance or the opportunity, and this is what I tell my baseball kids there I coach the umpire called. A strike on the ball was over my head. I said, Why did you give him the opportunity? Why'd you give him an opportunity to hit a ball? That was to not hit a ball that was hittable. If there's a hittable ball hit it, don't give him the opportunity to say strike. If it's a questionable call,

spk_1:   42:56
right, that's right. That's so it makes sense.

spk_0:   42:58
And it's the same thing with everything else in sports and in life like don't give people the opportunity, don't give chance the opportunity to come in, you know what I mean? Where is by self handicapping say all this is happening with the bars letter this, Then I'm making those excuses for myself. So when I do fail, it's OK and you know, Then the opportunity came in and I failed, Whereas if I go into a saying, Hey, I'm just gonna go the cart, the hand that I was dealt and that's it,

spk_1:   43:25
I You know what I think? I think it's what is your goal as a person, if my goal is to grow from my failures than self handicapping doesn't work. People that put self handicapping people that engage in self handicapping process. I think what happened is that they don't grow as people. They end up becoming very dependent. Oh, are they end up not taking any responsibility. And these are individuals who are gonna grow up being irresponsible, adult or constantly have a reason for why certain things don't work out for them Now that's the type of person you want to be. Then it's fine. But for those individuals that really have a dream of being responsible, that their ultimate goal is to be able to handle challenges and to learn from their failures than self handicapping is not something a process for them, right? So for me, for example, I mean, there's a lot of reason I could also say, Why does dozen worker didn't work, but then I wouldn't become the person that I've become. I'm a much stronger person because I learned from my failure. I took responsibility for my failure. There are challenges that contribute to certain of our failure, for sure,

spk_0:   44:36
but it's how you learn, what those challenge

spk_1:   44:38
and how you see those

spk_0:   44:40
challenges. I mean, it's like with us with the podcast right now. That's right. Podcasting

spk_1:   44:44
is new to

spk_0:   44:44
Kuwait. That's fate. We don't have high expectations are numbers are great, everything you know, But you have to be realistic. You you can't let one down month kick you in the backside because all right, well, what happened then? You know what was going on. It's true. We know during the holiday season's numbers dip because people aren't listening to podcasts.

spk_1:   45:05
But also negative comment like it always surprises me whenever you've got these individuals who are like, you know, like bloggers or whatever.

spk_0:   45:13
I love negative comments

spk_1:   45:13
like, you know, to me negative comments, you know, instead of saying Well, you know, there there, may we make excuses for them or we say that Well, maybe that video wasn't good, because I wasn't feeling well anyways when I shot it. The ideas that maybe these individuals are really giving me I mean, unless it's like, really pathetic and some hated kind of comment. Some of these comments are really are nice to be able to grow from it. But The idea is is that I don't have a problem with my ICO, and I don't have a problem with my confidence, Like II doesn't matter to me. So if you get to that point, then it's You don't need any off the self handicapping process to be able to survive when some people really think feel that they cannot survive daily on all the challenges that they have. So if it's a project or an exam or a clock, or even graduating from college, they feel that they're not good enough to be able to succeed in life. So they have

spk_0:   46:13
a whole episode on

spk_1:   46:15
on. You know I want to. In course, most everyone do. You should just like, you know, look at your failures. And again, what is your goal? Do you want to be independent or do you want to be dependent? Do you want to take responsibility, or do you wanna blame other people for your failure?

spk_0:   46:32
Dude, it's hashtag get better, that's it

spk_1:   46:34
has just get has just get better hash tag. Just guess get better. That's it. Way has time