The Project: Kuwait

Psyched With Dr. D : Become a Better you, Reprogram Your Mind, Develop New Habits, Create Meaningful Relationships And Become a Better You

July 30, 2019 Season 1 Episode 60
The Project: Kuwait
Psyched With Dr. D : Become a Better you, Reprogram Your Mind, Develop New Habits, Create Meaningful Relationships And Become a Better You
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The Project: Kuwait
Psyched With Dr. D : Become a Better you, Reprogram Your Mind, Develop New Habits, Create Meaningful Relationships And Become a Better You
Jul 30, 2019 Season 1 Episode 60
The Project Kuwait
what do we do with negative messages? They haunt us. It's a decision you have to make to get rid of your negative messages. So we got to reprogram our mind
Show Notes Transcript

Speaker 1:             00:01                what do we do with negative messages? They haunt us. It's a decision you have to make to get rid of your negative messages. So we got to reprogram our mind to look at negative, not so negative, and to build positive on a daily basis. So everybody listening start thinking this episode is awesome. No, we, this really teaches people how to reprogram. I think people think mine is a mind and it does not change. I totally disagree with that. So enjoy the episode. If you have any questions, all this and more in today's episode talking about this topic, like what do you do when people like all their life, I can understand like I could learn a language when I'm 30 but what do you do with people who all their life hurts? Comments like you're stupid. You're never gonna make it out to anything.

Speaker 1:                    02:24                That doesn't happen overnight. It doesn't happen by having a mindset of, oh, I can't do this and me not setting up the structures in place in order to get there. And I'm sure you have the terms that go along with that are probably what I did. But I find it very hard to believe when people say, no, no, no, I just can't do it. I just can't do it. I think that's the easy way out for them. Well, I mean, the thing is, is that that's true. And then what they're doing is they are setting up their subconscious to believe these negative messages. So what you're saying is like, have you ever noticed it? Like the more I say, I can't do this, I can't do that. The more I feel like I can't. It all starts from the morning. If you get up and you say to yourself, today, I'm going to have a good day today, I'm going to have a great day.

Speaker 1:                    06:07                This is your traumatic experience. Have you ever done that? I have. No, but I've never said that. I mean, you can't dismiss that their trauma is their trauma. You're 100% right. Yeah, 100% right. You're a psychologist. So I like that you think that way. Whereas if I was in your shoes and someone's like, oh, I lost in this, I'd be like, dude, are you kidding me? Yeah, I can't believe I've heard some really traumatic things that I was like, wow, they were other things. I mean I've heard people saying like, I lost my job. I mean maybe for some people they lost their job but they were not like they were not there that long or the money wasn't dependent on them. Like I just lost my job and then I ended up sleeping all day. Like that's dramatic. Sometimes you put like dimension, like they've had traumatic experience, like somebody dying, but there weren't even that close to the person.

Speaker 1:                    07:43                Is this coincidence? Why do I need all the losers? Let's talk about that. Now the idea is, is that if it's already going, why do I meet all the losers? Why do I meet all the losers? How can we retrain ourselves or we&

Speaker 1:
0:02
The project lit Dr d, what do we do with negative messages? They haunt us. It's a decision you have to make to get rid of your negative messages. So we got to reprogram our mind to look at negative, not so negative, and to build positive on a daily basis. So everybody listening start thinking this episode is awesome. No, we, this really teaches people how to reprogram. I think people think mine is a mind and it does not change. I totally disagree with that. So enjoy the episode. If you have any questions, all this and more in today's episode talking about this topic, like what do you do when people like all their life, I can understand like I could learn a language when I'm 30 but what do you do with people who all their life hurts? Comments like you're stupid. You're never gonna make it out to anything.
Speaker 1:
0:57
You're ugly. Who's going to marry you? You have been a burden to me. What do you do with these things? Like are these things supposed to stay in my mind forever? See, now you're changing the argument. Now you're changing the art though. The argument that we were having before. I know, but now it's a lot harder for me to go against that because then it turns into social influences and the people that are that are precious June. But I mean even the other side you were saying like, well that's not true. Like I was saying to you, can our mind really have all this and not be able to change it? And you're saying, well that's not true. The mind is malleable, I believe. What was I looking? I was like, I think we can always learn new skills and I think we can always develop ourselves and if we're not developing, we're dying in my perspective.
Speaker 1:
1:42
Of course, you know I'm 36 years old. I, wow, he's 36 Oh Maddy. Oh, I see. So, oh, you just made me feel old, but I'm 36 I just picked up a new sport and crossfit. Now there are a lot of skilled gymnastics movements that I never thought I would be able to do. Maybe I had it because I had a background in gymnastics when I was a kid. Quickly to adapt to it. You're using it. But I never thought I could walk on my hands. Yeah. I mean, Shit, I'm 36 I'm walking on my hands. I'm doing a bar muscle up, a ring muscle up. So for someone to come up to me and say, no, no, no, no, no. That's just how my mind works. I can't learn new skills. I can't change my mindset. I mean I lost over 55 pounds. Yeah.
Speaker 1:
2:24
That doesn't happen overnight. It doesn't happen by having a mindset of, oh, I can't do this and me not setting up the structures in place in order to get there. And I'm sure you have the terms that go along with that are probably what I did. But I find it very hard to believe when people say, no, no, no, I just can't do it. I just can't do it. I think that's the easy way out for them. Well, I mean, the thing is, is that that's true. And then what they're doing is they are setting up their subconscious to believe these negative messages. So what you're saying is like, have you ever noticed it? Like the more I say, I can't do this, I can't do that. The more I feel like I can't. It all starts from the morning. If you get up and you say to yourself, today, I'm going to have a good day today, I'm going to have a great day.
Speaker 1:
3:09
That makes a total difference than when I get up and I say, oh my God, I hate today. I can't believe I'm going back to work. It's going to be a long day. You know? Like some people said it was going to be a long day. So here you've got two mindsets and so maybe for you and with crossfit, what you have done actually is like, I mean because you've also done other sports and you've always been dedicated to that. So doing crossfit, which is a little bit more difficult and a little bit more technique, it sounds like what you're saying, it makes you want to challenge it more because you've done before and you've succeeded. So when you go to crossfit, for example, obviously you're not going to go into a class and say to yourself, oh my God, I'm going to die today. I mean, you want to say, wow, I'm going to have a great experience.
Speaker 1:
3:50
I know it's going to be hard. Majority of the time I'm dying, but too, it's a nice die. But if I walk up to a set of weights, like yesterday, one of the photographers love the guy comes over, he's like, I'm going to take your picture while you're doing a front squat. I was going for a personal best one, weight on the bar. So he's taking my picture and as I'm three quarters or halfway down in the squat, flash goes off. No, before that, sorry, I had said, oh, watch, you'll probably take this picture and I'll fail a c. You said, did I set it up from the beginning? That's what I'm talking about. Setting it up. Yeah. No, I set it up from the beginning. Your present. Right. Versus three days before that I PR by 85 pounds. See and it was because my boys were around and they were talking me up.
Speaker 1:
4:36
They're like, no, I'll throw the 20s on. You can do it. You can do it. I was like, yeah, I could do this crap and I did it. Versus like just the whole setup when you set it up, right? So when you get up in the morning and you say to yourself, I'm just going to have another lousy take [inaudible] so you're setting it up and then it kills me. When people come to the office and they say to me, I attract bad things. Seriously, like who attracts bad thing? You're like, what? Seriously, I want to understand how do people convince themselves that they attract bad thing? Like for example, it's impossible that I was born to not attract by things. They are born to attract things. People need to get to the point where they have to realize, I say to myself, I'm attracting bad things. It means you will attract it.
Speaker 1:
5:22
If you say to yourself, see, like I had people like I could give you so many things in my life. They were all traumatic because one of the question I asked about, tell me any traumatic experiences you've had and they're like, see, I was born. You have your traumatic experiences where people are like, yeah, I dropped my Chanel and it fell into a puddle. So, but Lucy honey, like they're not poor. But I've had people where they say the ideas is like for example, they were in a certain class or they were making a lot more money and now they're making less money, but still it's not like poor, but they're making less money. So the lifestyle was changed where she cannot buy any of these like mundane thing you've ever heard someone say as a traumatic experience where you just rolled your eyes and you're like, oh my God, are you kidding me?
Speaker 1:
6:07
This is your traumatic experience. Have you ever done that? I have. No, but I've never said that. I mean, you can't dismiss that their trauma is their trauma. You're 100% right. Yeah, 100% right. You're a psychologist. So I like that you think that way. Whereas if I was in your shoes and someone's like, oh, I lost in this, I'd be like, dude, are you kidding me? Yeah, I can't believe I've heard some really traumatic things that I was like, wow, they were other things. I mean I've heard people saying like, I lost my job. I mean maybe for some people they lost their job but they were not like they were not there that long or the money wasn't dependent on them. Like I just lost my job and then I ended up sleeping all day. Like that's dramatic. Sometimes you put like dimension, like they've had traumatic experience, like somebody dying, but there weren't even that close to the person.
Speaker 1:
6:55
Like for me is like how was that trauma? Or sometimes I feel like maybe people are just making up things because I say, do you have any traumatic like it's psychologist's office, you must have something. No, because they're probably embarrassed. It's like there's nothing wrong with you. When people come to office, they're assuming you're going to say to them, oh, there's nothing wrong with you. Why are you here? And so they want to make up something big to justify why they're there. But then on the other hand, I've seen a lot of people, but then most of the time it's like the majority of people come to me and say, I just have bad luck. Nothing ever works out. Every relationship I get into, it's a bad one. Now, can that be luck? No, isn't really luck. I don't believe with luck. I don't believe we're going to have that little stone that going this way, and then the person will say to me, please doc, just listen to me.
Speaker 1:
7:43
Is this coincidence? Why do I need all the losers? Let's talk about that. Now the idea is, is that if it's already going, why do I meet all the losers? Why do I meet all the losers? How can we retrain ourselves or we reprogram our thought process to actually meet a good looking, nice guy or a nice girl that has some values that we can trust in and we actually like [inaudible] your taste. First of all, if you don't want losers, why are you constantly attracted to men? They are not working. They're living at home, but then we're going into the Oedipus complex and that Dad, the Dad, then the dad complex, then you have to realize they're not going to work out. So if you want to do the bad boy image, that thing, you have to realize, everyone needs to be honest with themselves.
Speaker 1:
8:31
What kills me is people are like shocked. And then, you know, one of the thing, my reputation here is, is that I'm in your face kind of therapist, right? Like I don't put up with this bs. Like you don't want to come and pay me. So I guess [inaudible] where that might've been, to be honest, I cannot, so people come to you and then they're shocked. I grow on you after awhile. But it's like, why would you be able to say that? All your, so when you look at patterns for relationship, they always tend to be in similar criteria. For example, they're usually unemployed or they can't keep a job, or they have a job and they don't work that much, right? They don't go to work. And the other thing is, is that they're not that educated and they're pretty much like sitting at home still, even if they're in their late thirties living off of mom and dad and most of the time they stay up all night and they might have some drug and alcohol issues.
Speaker 1:
9:20
Right? Or they party most of the weekend. And now why would you not think, I mean not to judge these people, but technically these people are not going to be the criteria of someone that's going to be responsible and willing to give you commitment. Correct. Cause they obviously have issues with commitment and they're not responsible and they don't have self discipline. So when you continue to go out with these guys, and the problem is, is that because she's promised or told herself, I always attract losers when she gets rid of one loser, where's she gonna go to the loser neighborhood? Right? And that is why it's going to go to the loser neighborhood where she's gonna attract again the same way as she attracted the first one, probably somewhere where the person, and the idea is, is that sometimes we attract people and we don't know what their standard is, right?
Speaker 1:
10:05
But when we're having a conversation with them after one day to day, one, week, two day, two weeks, three weeks, a month, you're getting to know this person and they're giving you the same kind of characteristics that you've had in the past. Why not break up? Can someone tell me why not break up? Why wait till three years later to come and sit and dink as office? So you could tell how I attract all that people love vicious cycle that people like to move themselves through dance while we're talking about their comfort zone. That is exactly right. So the ideas, is that what we need to do? Is this genetic or is this environmental? It is environmental. She needs to stop saying what I attract losers. She needs to take really fatal attraction. I'm deeming this episode called no longer what we were supposed to be really irks me.
Speaker 1:
10:58
No, this is true. This is part of reprogramming. So first what she needs to do first stop dating. That's what I say. And then like she's looks at me like what do you mean I need someone in my life talking. Like I said, the idea is is to stop, stop going out, stop meeting people. People do meet here, right and then no they don't meet here breaking these rules. It's worse than in the states. It's serious versus because now we can do it through apps though. I mean there's not face to face, there's less face to face. This tender kills me this like young patients who are coming to teach me about tender and Assad and I don't know what the other programs know. So I mean they aren't meeting but they might probably, we are less meeting face to face. Obviously it's very difficult here, but in the states for example, but still like even when I'm talking about this person, like a lot of them is not meeting face to face, but like conversation here we live for digital stuff.
Speaker 1:
12:06
That's enough for them or cameras, right? But it's still like, if you think about it, these criteria's existed a month ago. What did she say to me? Well, I thought this guy was going to be different. How exactly. So the first thing I say, you need to delete all these brighter, you know, I've had people in my office, they delete these dating programs. Why? Because now we need to concentrate on you. In order for me to reconstruct this brain of hers that is saying I only attract losers. She's got a detox. We got a detox from all the negativity. One of the things we did talks, we delete all programs. We're not ready to be meeting anyone. So detox and then what do I say now? Let's think about all the negative messages you've heard in your childhood. Most of the time these individuals, they never heard anything promising anyways.
Speaker 1:
12:50
It's always, you're always ugly or fat. No one's ever going to love you. When you've got your parents who gave birth to you, they're not even loving you for parents. That's a shitty thing to say to your child. That is a shitty thing. It's really shitty thing. And a lot of people say that. I mean like here, you know it's terrible. They call them names and then like you're ugly or abusive. No, and then the idea is is that they are projecting, right? So the parents are unhappy with their relationship and here they put it on the kid. The cute kid always gets compliment. The other one that's mediocre doesn't, the one that is successful in school always gets praise. The other one's like a day Ahmad [inaudible]. It's like, it's like as a parent like, yeah, I'd love to say some of these dads. I'd be like, you asshole.
Speaker 1:
13:29
Why don't you just tell your son or your daughter that, hey, I love you for who you are and never unconditional love commodity. Not talking about parents in general. I think people are getting better at it. Parents, I think, and now they're getting more educated, but still like I still see it when I'm out and a dad yells at his kid. I try my best not to yell at a day. And when I do yell at him, it's not a yell, like a vicious yelling. It's more a fear. If he's doing something and like he's going to get hurt. I'm like that we could do that. It's fine, but you don't call him. You're so ugly. You're so stupid. Why would you cross the street like that? Like we have to really be careful. I mean, sometimes their behavior could not be the behavior we expecting.
Speaker 1:
14:11
We always have to make a differentiation between, I don't like your behavior here. I didn't like the way you behave with these people, the way you're behaving. It's called don't bring in their personality in it or they themselves. So don't say you're stupid, but what you did was stupid. It's okay. But to say that you're stupid. So you know, this person like has a list of things that she has that she's been called and she's not attractive and no one's ever going to love you. And all the people you're going to love, they're going to be losers. They're using you. And so she ends up believing in this, growing up to believe that. And then this person had assist to as much more attractive than her. So all the proposals were for her, not for this, this one's overweight, the other one wasn't. So there's this comparison mom constantly saying why you be like your sister, attractive, smart, whatever.
Speaker 1:
14:54
And when parents get into this like comparison, this one is better. They build up resentment toward the siblings. So the resentment started with her jealous of her sister and trying to be able to prove to herself that someone's going to love me. So somebody is better than nothing. And then they ended up hurting her ultimately. I mean, that defeats the point of why you even talking to these guys because you want love and attention because you've never got it at home. And now suddenly you're saying that they're hurting you because they're all abusing her emotionally or verbally abusing her. So I called you so weird cause I do this with a lot of the time. I always believe it's like if someone emotionally abuses me or says something, I'm the type of guy where I'm like, screw you. I'm going to do it. Whether you say to do it or not, I don't really care what you say.
Speaker 1:
15:39
I'm going to spit in your face afterwards. Whereas Hey, ah, she's like, you just don't understand that affected me emotionally or this and I just don't get it. You know what I mean? Like there were just some things that we don't like. I can't comprehend it. It's like, like if someone says something to you and you don't, it's like it's like the person that's getting ridiculed for someone talking about what they post on Instagram. Right. Since I just, I don't understand it. I don't understand why people follow certain people. It's something that just doesn't click in my brain and we'd hate to get into this argument a and hey, it thinks it's like, hey, understands it from that perspective. She says, how can you not see it from that perspective? Just like it's like they get hurt of why they're putting these things on like that.
Speaker 1:
16:19
Yeah. And I'm just like, I don't get it. Like I just don't get it. I think that's another thing is it's like what hurts me might be different from what hurts other people. And also it has something to do with like if you've gone through a lot in your life and now you're like, you're ready to tackle a lot more stuff. And so, but some people are like so sensitive about these like negative messages that anything that they hear that's negative from the outside world actually gets internalized and gets tapped into the all the messages. So if she had somebody in her Instagram say, this is a terrible picture of you, then it goes back to her childhood when her mom used to say, you're ugly. No one's ever gonna marry you. There's a connection in there. And your brain that connects one thing to the other.
Speaker 1:
17:00
And then ultimately how do you express it is by these emotions and it's all happening subconsciously, right? So growing up we've got you love Freud and I do too. And then what did Freud say is like, we hear all these messages as kids and then we put it in our subconscious, but also in general we hear a lot of things and then we hear things when we get a little older. And then we hear things from people we love, like our parents and our partners and our best friend. All of these things get compiled and they're staying in our subconscious. And so there's like a negative sign in the positive side in my mind. And the positive side is a small pot and then the negative is outweighing the positive. And then it's not just hearing it, hearing it will be half of the problem.
Speaker 1:
17:39
The idea is that believing it. So here, if you grew up just to someone saying to you, you're ugly or ugly, so you start to believe that you are ugly and then you start to pinpoint all the ugliness in you. Like if you're overweight, your body's not perfect. And then for Instagram now it's even a worse thing because social media allows us to compare ourselves and to convince ourselves we're ugly. Yeah. So that's even worse. Back in the days we can put it in our subconscious. And then when we look on TV, we see these bottles. It's the time that we can compare, but now we're bombarded by this comparison. So then you meet someone else and then you're just grateful. He's in love with you. I mean grateful for what? She doesn't have anything to offer you. I mean, when people get in a relationship, they have to ask themselves, what is this person offering me?
Speaker 1:
18:22
This person is offering me nothing that you haven't, don't have. He's giving you verbal abuse, emotional abuse. Some people say, okay, it's economical reason why I'm in this relationship. Well, no economical there cause he's not working. She's spending money. And on top of all of this, she believes that she's worthless. So the idea is, is that where did it all go wrong? Where do we go? We go for all those negative messages that she has in her subconscious and now we write them all down. You should see the list people, right when I say, okay, I want you to write everything you've heard in your childhood. Everything you've heard later, and the child is not only childhood, sometimes you can have a nice parents and then you go to college, they bully you, and then they give you a lot of negative comments that you start to accumulate.
Speaker 1:
19:02
It's like Harding, you're hoarding negative words. And then she writes it all down and they were a pile of many things. And then I say to her, okay, do you believe these things? And then she says yes, why? She doesn't know why. So you have to ask yourself like, why do I believe that I'm ugly? Well, because I don't look like so and so on TV for example. And then so you have to challenge it because these things, they cannot just stay there. It's like if they stayed there and you don't challenge them, then they're never going to go away. I'm going to start challenging them now. Why do you think you are? How true is this? Do you really believe it's true or not? A lot of times people will say it is true. Sometimes they say and then when you say it's true, I always think to myself that if it's true then now you have to know how to change it.
Speaker 1:
19:47
So now you get two people, two different types of people. People like they don't want to change it because it's easier that their cup, their you know them and they are not sure why should they change them and then you got the other people say, no, I value myself. I am tired of the way I live. I'm tired of attracting all these wrong relationships and I'm ready to make a change. And then once they're making a change, we reconstruct these words and then one of the best exercises you could do really is get up in the morning. We know when you have negative thoughts, the first thought is comes to your mind is like, I'm going to have a bad day. I have every day. I have a bad day. What makes his day very bad? Don't even entertain these kinds of thoughts. I mean, it's free. It's free to look in yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, I am going to have a good day.
Speaker 1:
20:29
It's very free. You don't have to pay for that. So I say to people, you don't have to pay for this. Just stand there. Tell yourself I'm going to have a good day. And then she says to me, but I don't believe that. I don't care if you don't believe that, just say it. No, but it's true. I mean, rarely talk about reprogramming. I've had a lot of shitty things happen to me in life. I just myself to, okay, you know what? This happened. Oh, well that's it. It happened. It's gone. A loss. Nothing I could do. Yeah. It's like, all right, I'll have to take responsibility for our, but if we screw up, I screw up. Okay. Even for those bad words that I heard from my childhood. It is my responsibility that I hold on to them. I didn't get rid of them. Hold on a minute.
Speaker 1:
21:10
Hold on a minute. Someone's, if someone's called me ugly, if someone's battered you down your entire tire child. Yes. How can you take responsibility and say for them, abusing me, I'm taking responsibility for allowing them to abuse me because I've kept it in the unconscious and to this date I'm still using it. But what if you don't know any better? Yeah, you do know better because most of the time people know that they have negative messages, but they believe in those negative messages. So you were in an abusive relationship. Right? And obviously this abusive relationship, he, I always say he, sorry, [inaudible] in my life, but the majority are. He is. But let's say she was abusive to you. I sent some hatred bells here. Dr [inaudible]. I'm psychoanalyze. I don't hate males, but I feel like they're privileged and the other life I want to be a male. Oh my God. I wish hae was here any other life. I was a feminist, hey is pro feminist males or [inaudible] needs to be in one of our meetings so we can talk about this feminism and how our whole thesis was on societal constructions of male and female constructs. Some crazy with that and that's the thing is is that the majority of men are pigs, pigs or dogs. What do you refer? I say dogs. You say dogs. Yeah, I think men are pigs.
Speaker 1:
22:42
Poor man. There are some nice men out there, but the idea is is that, I mean we're just used to having domestic violence speed with men and it's true. No, it's 100% I mean bank can get abused too, but no, no, and I was just reading an article about that. There is an increased percentage of men that have been abused by their partners. Women are getting stronger. They are using the heels. You should notice it was two years ago. There was an article here that said there were some men that have reported abused by their spouses by using the heal, you know, by poking in his eye or in his head or throwing a hard object. Dr D C I'm psychoanalyzing you right now. We're going to talk, we're going to talk off air. We're going to talk about, you know, the thing is, is that there are probably more numbers of men being abused, but they're not reported because men feel embarrassed to go, especially in this part of the world. Can you imagine going to the police station and you're saying, Hey, I beat me. What about the lady in Arizona who chopped her husband's penis off? That's right. And then threw it in the garbage disposal. It could've be sewed back on it that it deserved. He was cheating and she wanted to make sure he's never going to cheat again. Well, he cheated again. [inaudible]
Speaker 1:
23:56
decided she was going to take matters into her own hands. That's true. But here that's not, we're not promoting that, but I'm just saying, I'm saying whenever we're talking about, especially the women I see the majority of my clients are women. So most of the time, if they come from an abusive relationship is because the man has made them believe that they're worthless and that no one else has ever gone to love them the way he loves him. And that's why he controls him. And the biggest number he is not, I mean, for my experience, I don't see a lot of physical abuse, but definitely emotional abuse, financial hello percent news, you see it. So the emotional abuse is constantly telling her, you're never going to find somebody better than me. You're ugly anyways, you're fat. He gives it all these comments about her body that makes her feel that she's never going to.
Speaker 1:
24:40
So that's why she stays right and she's scared of him and he is controlling, right? So she grows up to believe this. And then so later on when she leaves him, she's still haunted by all those words. So it's a choice. We go back to that word. Is that a choice? You have made a choice to hold on to these negative labels. Once you come into my office and you have decided that means you've decided, I made a choice to erase, to reconstruct all these negative. But there are people that come to me and they're still not committed enough to really do what to let go of these negative labels because these negative labels, after awhile, they become a safety zone. This is something they know now they're coming and we're trying to reconstruct. There's still some positive things we remember there's two parts. There's the negative, which is very big.
Speaker 1:
25:27
And then the positive. So now what we need to do is we shift our brain to constantly look into the positive stuff that they have. And the only way to do it is from the beginning of your morning. You gotta say to them, and I have a bat. Good day. You say a bad day, you'll have a bad day, right? You know four it says about the unconscious. You just let it slip. I say sad day first. That's right. Because we're so used to saying, no, you're 100% right. I mean, you're rewiring your brain to do something. It's not used to to, we're always constantly looking into the negative. I might have a bad day. My relationship is not going to work. You know, my kids are all going to grow up bad. I'm never going to have luck with money. We are grew up to do that. It's so automatic for us and then the other part is not automatic, so it needs to be relearned normal people have to work.
Speaker 1:
26:14
You got to work at reprogramming these words and people always looking for an easy answer like, please help me. I meet people that have had their problem for 10 years. She comes to one session or two sessions. She's like, please can you cure me in one second? How can I cure you? It's been 10 years of Shit, 10 years of shit and suddenly now people want to come and they think that you're going to have a miracle work. I mean, the work starts with you first. You make a commitment that you want to change. My job is to give skills to give you small tips of what you need to do, but those tips, they need to be exercised out in the real world. You come back to me, we'll see if it didn't work, then we need to do something else different so at least you need five to 10 sessions to just work on. Just the tip of reconstructing and reprogramming your mind is not that easy. It's like rewiring like a computer when you're rewiring it. How long does it take if your computer crashed and then you have to rewire it?
Speaker 1:
27:14
I'm assuming it's, I'm assuming it takes awhile. I'm assuming right now my coach, my crossfit coach, my trainer Rob, his program and company is called no magic pill. Hey, I like that. Yeah. I really want you. I want mad too. I really want you to like, we got to bring him on the show. Oh, I want to tap into the crossfitters. Crossfitters. The mentality is so weird. I want to know who gets attracted to crossfitting. Are they strong personality or do they endure more because crossfit is not for everyone. No, it's definitely not for everyone. Physically, I think emotionally is not for everyone. I think for emotionally weak people is not for them. I think it's good for them though. Really? You don't think they fall apart? I think it might cause they walked into that crossfit saying, I can't do this, but I've met c would have said that and six months later they're a different person because you know why?
Speaker 1:
28:06
Because they just learned to say that I can do this. They learned it through sport, through crossfit as you know. But I wanted to let you know is that people that are very committed to exercising, they tend to be more positive and they reprogram faster. So I think there's some connection between, because remember like crossfit and all exercising, it takes determination, commitment, self discipline. Because you have to be determined to go work out every day. You can be lazy. I mean sometimes you have lazy days, but oftentimes it's a commitment. It's a mindset, right? So I'm sure. So as long as you're self disciplined and committed, then you can restructure your hundred percent reshape your mind. So I'm sure people that go to crossfit, I mean they, I'm sure that the first day they'll say, oh my God, I'm so worried. And then they changed the way they think about crossfit and if anyone out there is listening to this, don't go to a crossfit class with a bunch of jerks in it.
Speaker 1:
29:01
All right? It has to be in a good community. And the gym I go to, the crossfit community is really good in the sense that if you are new and if you're new to the class, people will be around you and they'll be pumping you up saying, come on, you can finish this. Keep going. One more rep, you can do this. Versus if you go somewhere where they have a bunch of guys with big Egos and whatever, they'll do the workout and they'll leave. It's different when you have that community and you have that support around you teaching you that new skill and teaching you how to buy into something that you're out of your comfort zone really. And that's why I applaud the heavier set person that goes into their first crossfit class because it takes a lot of guts to take that step.
Speaker 1:
29:40
It takes more to take that step then to go and buy a candy bar, so to speak. You know what I mean? A lot of times people don't want to go to an exercise class if they're overweight because they're worried that everyone will be in shape and they'll be the only one that's overweight. And so therefore what happens? Like they'll avoid it or they'll try to do some stuff on their own. So I really commend and admired these individuals that will go so, because sometimes when you're overweight, you'll get a trainer or you'll walk in a walk path or whatever because you don't want to go there until you're a little bit in shape. I mean, I've heard girls say this all the time, like, I don't want to go. I'm still fat. Let me lose a little weight before I go to class because there are other [inaudible].
Speaker 1:
30:21
And then I was thinking, oh no, but I was thinking that is not the purpose. And she's like, no dog. If you see most of these people in these health clubs, they're like all fit. It's sad that that impression is now out there. You know, because I was that guy, I was that guy that weighed 120 kilos in the gym and I look like I didn't belong there and I probably looked like a maniac with how I was actually. Because when I work, when I exercise, I work with intent. You know, like this guy, I always try to work with intent and usually my intent. That's right Ashley. And that's a good word. When we're talking about mind reprogramming, you have to have an intention to, so these people like yourself, they are working out with an intent. You come into therapy with an intent, right? You're going to work with an intent, a positive intent. I'm sure that when you're working out, you're not how your intention, it's not negative is to accomplish something. Right? That's what I mean. But you know, coming back to thinking, why is that true? Why is most of the gyms with Nice, good looking people?
Speaker 1:
31:25
Doesn't that defeat the purpose? Here's the thing, like why, why are overweight people feeling awkward in a gym is not what the purpose of a gym is. No, you're right. I think mainly we need to do something to make them feel comfortable. What should we do? Because I would feel uncomfortable too. Actually. I never workout at a gym. Even when I was overweight. Maybe you have specific hours. I mean just so people feel more comfortable in that setting. Like I tend to personally, I used to be like, oh, when I would go into a crossfit class I'd be like, oh, I want to be with this guy because he's really good too. So I'll finish in a faster time where now my mindset has changed where I don't care who I'm with. In fact, I'd rather be with the person that is just getting into the gym because I want them to buy in more.
Speaker 1:
32:09
I want to try and have a positive influence on others in society. I mean it's just almost my way of giving back in a sense. But when you look at it from a gym perspective, you're right. A lot of people in the gym that I go to, majority are in decent shape or getting in shape. And I think when someone goes to the gym and they're overweight, when you bind into the gym and you actually bind to that mentality, you start eating right and when you start eating right over time, you do look a different way. So maybe they did start, maybe they did have a different starting point. We just didn't see that start again. And maybe that's what it is. The intent is for these individuals to really, the idea is that going back to mind reprogramming, right? If you're going to go to a gym and you overweight, I think that what you need to reprogram because the thought when you're going into the gym, you're thinking, oh my God, how can I go?
Speaker 1:
32:57
All these people look like they're fit and they're healthy and here I am, they're going to make fun of me. Why don't you go into a program, go to a health club and reprogram this thought idea that maybe they were all like you. And that's why. So the end resolution is them. Or maybe going into it saying, I want to be like them or better than them. Right. And that's the reason I get you to that standard. That's true. So I mean, you're right. I think a lot of these individuals that are there, maybe they were overweight, they worked very hard and they've lost weight through time. And so instead of saying, no, no, no, I'm not going there. How can I go to the gym and everyone's going to make fun of me because I'm fat. You should think about it like this is the place where other people have been in your shoes and now they've become the way they are.
Speaker 1:
33:41
But again, it's like it's really the messages we give ourselves. We are the biggest hypocrite and we're the best criticals of ourselves. At the same time, I do want to preface this and I want to say that you should love yourself for who you are, not because of if you're fat, skinny or whatever. That doesn't matter. That should never met Matt. And I said personal decision, right? Yeah. But again, it's like there are people that have gotten under messages. There's like this hidden messages, subconscious messages that says that you are loser. You will never make it. You're always going to be fat. You are always going to be ugly. And I think people that they might have an intention to lose weight, but because they have truly believed in these negative messages, they think that they can't lose weight. So there are people that are happy with the weight that they're in, but there are other people, they're not happy and they want to lose, but they think that they'll never go in to be able to lose.
Speaker 1:
34:32
So what I want people to realize that a lot of times we have not achieved or reached a goal that we want to achieve. Not because we don't have the strength, the physical strength is because we don't have the emotional strength that we are living in the subconscious that constantly brings us down. They constantly makes us feel that we are never going to achieve. So if you really decide that I can, I mean, I can't imagine that there are lots of people that lose weight. Why can't this person lose weight? Because they want to. I mean, I had people say, no, no, no, I can never lose weight. I've tried so many diets and I haven't. And I think it's because there's an underlying fear of being thin and what does that mean? There's an underlying fear of like if you look like a different person, what does that mean?
Speaker 1:
35:17
Which means that all these messages that you've released in the past, they have to be erased. And that's a fear. So we cannot live in our fear. We have to realize that everyone can be and do whatever they want to do. If we can just go beyond this under messages that tells us no and yes, and we're bombarded by the inner voice that says to us, don't do this. Don't do that. Do this, do that. It's a struggle. It is. And that's why you get paid the big bucks. And I think that's a wrap. That was, yeah, that was an intense episode. That's really intense. I'm definitely going to name this episode lake or something to do with relationships or man hater maybe. Oh, I'm making it look like we were eating, man, we hold on. We, they gave us a lot of these, like negative messages came from men.
Speaker 1:
36:07
I agree. Hey, I'm a man and I agree with it. I think men are pigs. What do you know the better picks it out just Jack. But the ideas is that it is, and if you think about it and you would think any other people like no, but women have it that easy. But if we've grew up in a society that beats you down at a home that beats you down because you're a woman or because you don't fit a certain criteria and you're in a relationship that beats you down, what do you expect from women to do? 100% right? Yeah. A note on that note had overtaken senior Grad Dido right to Instagram. You can shoot Dr d a message at any time and you can message us at the project. Kuwait. Thanks guys. Thanks for listening to this episode. If you enjoyed it, please head over to iTunes to subscribe rate and leave a review. You can also find us on Instagram at the Project Kuwait. Thank you. And join us next time.