The Project: Kuwait

Psyched With Dr. D : Identity Challenge, Crisis or Just Plain Confused? We Discuss Self Discovery, Affiliation with One's Culture and True belonging

July 23, 2019 Season 1 Episode 58
The Project: Kuwait
Psyched With Dr. D : Identity Challenge, Crisis or Just Plain Confused? We Discuss Self Discovery, Affiliation with One's Culture and True belonging
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The Project: Kuwait
Psyched With Dr. D : Identity Challenge, Crisis or Just Plain Confused? We Discuss Self Discovery, Affiliation with One's Culture and True belonging
Jul 23, 2019 Season 1 Episode 58
The Project Kuwait
Are you struggling with your identity, struggling with your identity? Have you wondered who you are and the real life? Can you identify, do you belong here or there? Are you just trying to find out the secrets to life? No, but in reality, everybody, today's episode, we are talking about identity. I know and it's great because we're bringing it from the perspective of individuals that live in Kuwait. While most people really believe in identity that has something to do with immigration or adolescence, we want it to give it a little bit more of a twist and understanding.
Show Notes Transcript

00:01The project pride Kuwait Lit. Hey everybody, welcome to this episode, ca eight you're like, wait, we got an awesome episode for you. [inaudible] so Dr Danco, are you going to practice the infomercial? Question? When was it again? Are you struggling with your identity, struggling with your identity? Have you wondered who you are and the real life? Can you identify, do you belong here or there? Are you just trying to find out the secrets to life? No, but in reality, everybody, today's episode, we are talking about identity. I know and it's great because we're bringing it from the perspective of individuals that live in Kuwait. While most people really believe in identity that has something to do with immigration or adolescence, we want it to give it a little bit more of a twist and understanding. People that live in a country, they are majority, but they're really a minority.

05:13And he's like, that's what he realized. Oh this lady has got to Kuwait. And I was thinking, wow. He's like, no, no, no, it doesn't work that way. Even though there is, I'm totally Kuwaiti, I feel Kuwaiti, but I don't have that passport. And therefore her parents would probably refuse me and will cost a lot of hardship for our kids or whatever. And this guy was so depressed because he felt rejected by the country or within himself, that he was being rejected from a culture that he totally has been raised to believe it's yours. And you are part of this. So today I think it's very important that we really, I mean, what do you do with these individuals have, and this is one of the numbers, but then after that I started practicing and I realized how people really constantly struggle. I mean there are some families here, they're like three generation.

10:32  And ultimately it all stops there for whatever reason is like a family's here are very protective of that because they obviously are thinking of the offspring and they're thinking of the grandparent, their gang kids, and the struggle. And to be honest now, after 1415 years where I have seen couples that she's Kuwaiti, married to an [inaudible] and less therefore my western kind of a citizenship, they usually, their kids don't have a lot of benefits. Some kids are depends on the school. They really bully you for your nationality. And it's a struggle for them that some families I've known, they've even like had gone to the u s for example, or have brought their kids somewhere else because they feel like they're not going to be able to survive.

17:50 right. So the boundaries are created by society and what we have made it. That's right. Exactly right. Look at me. I'll be smart. Now when we look at male and female identity and what they identify as, because here in Kuwait, like everywhere else in the world, there are huge issues with identifying as a male or identifying as a female. Right? Right. And the rights and privileges you get, the rights and the privileges that you do because we know males, especially white males, they get all the privilege. [inaudible]. Exactly. And if you're a white female, you're not going to get paid the same as

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Speaker 1:
0:02
The project pride Kuwait Lit. Hey everybody, welcome to this episode, ca eight you're like, wait, we got an awesome episode for you. [inaudible] so Dr Danco, are you going to practice the infomercial? Question? When was it again? Are you struggling with your identity, struggling with your identity? Have you wondered who you are and the real life? Can you identify, do you belong here or there? Are you just trying to find out the secrets to life? No, but in reality, everybody, today's episode, we are talking about identity. I know and it's great because we're bringing it from the perspective of individuals that live in Kuwait. While most people really believe in identity that has something to do with immigration or adolescence, we want it to give it a little bit more of a twist and understanding. People that live in a country, they are majority, but they're really a minority.
Speaker 1:
0:55
That's true. And I mean who better to take her from then to Arabs, to two Arab Americans who are struggling with their identity always struggle with their identity. You know, like I grew up as a Mutt so you know I have the American background from my mother, the Kuwaiti from my father. Never really that sense of belonging that we talked about and you actually, you reeled me in a couple of times in this episode by explaining what it was like for someone that didn't have the self realization that I know. So I think that's the real process that you have to do to be able to be comfortable and I think this is great for a lot of people. I mean even for me, I didn't have identity. I mean I was an immigrant and I'm back here. I'm American, but I was born here. Like there's a lot of things that we can deal with with identity and I think this is going to be really, really effective for them. Yeah, definitely. You'll have a takeaway out of this episode. If you have any questions or concerns, please dms, feel free at any time. All this in boring today's episode. [inaudible] good to go.
Speaker 1:
1:55
I'm good. Fire you. I'm leaving this one to you so you can leave it to me. You got it. You got to welcome everybody. I do. I want to welcome everyone here. It's like a such a spot. The listeners will get it and again, they knew who we are, but so
Speaker 2:
2:11
well we picked wonderful topics today that this topic is amazing. I feel like it's something that most people probably feel it, but they don't speak about it or they have an analyze, so everyone listened to what we have to talk about. Today we're gonna talk about identity. A lot of times we talk about identity when you're in the U S and you've got immigrant or we talk about identity when it comes to adolescence, but I wanted to be able to talk about it in the sense of people that live here in this part of the world in Kuwait, since I've moved here 2005 I used to know identity because I worked with a lot of Arab Americans in the u s so immigrants trying to acculturate, talk about assimilation, acculturation, all of those factors and being able to help these adolescents maneuver their way through their family identity and the western identity.
Speaker 2:
2:57
And then it's all, I thought when I came, I thought, I don't have to hear about that because there's no immigrants per se. I would have to shift something else, talk about it because I was all my experiences in the Chicago area. And then I came here and then I started teaching at the university and it was a very interesting because like maybe a couple of months after I started teaching, I was also at that time, part position was teaching part was in the counseling center. And it's so interesting because like I got a couple of people coming into me and this was all new to me. Like I'm born in Kuwait, but I been living all my life in the u s so I feel like I've never really thought anyone would come and talk about in the sense. So the first student came in and started talking about their struggle with identity and how they were from another country like Syria.
Speaker 2:
3:44
And they've been living here for all their life from the beginning. They were born here, raised here. Some of them, even their parents are here first generation and then he's second generation and he doesn't have the citizenship. Well, of course like at that time I didn't know who gets citizenship. I just thought everyone was like Americans, you come here and when the u s if you're born in the US, you get your citizenship. And then the guy was talking to me in a Kuwaiti dialogue, so I would've never known that. He's not Kuwaiti big. Obviously if you're born here, raised here, you go to the schools here, you're going to be able to be identified as someone like quitting. And then it was such an eye opener for me because I realized, wow, what does this person identify with? So this biggest struggle, I'm in this one of the cases.
Speaker 2:
4:28
And then of course, later on when I started practicing here, I realized that this is something really we need to address. So this person is like, I'm not Kuwaiti, but I was born here. I speak Kuwaiti, I dress like Kuwaiti. I love the Kuwaiti culture. My music is all Kuwaiti. So what do I do? I can't remember. It was 14 years ago, but it seems to me like he came in in the student counseling because the was struggling because he liked equated girl and he was worried that if he goes and proposes or asks her for marriage that definitely you'll be refused. And to me I was like, of course I was naive and I was like, what? It doesn't matter. You love her. I love the way, you know we Americans give advice to these cultures. I was like, what? It doesn't matter. You love her, she loves you with different does it make?
Speaker 2:
5:13
And he's like, that's what he realized. Oh this lady has got to Kuwait. And I was thinking, wow. He's like, no, no, no, it doesn't work that way. Even though there is, I'm totally Kuwaiti, I feel Kuwaiti, but I don't have that passport. And therefore her parents would probably refuse me and will cost a lot of hardship for our kids or whatever. And this guy was so depressed because he felt rejected by the country or within himself, that he was being rejected from a culture that he totally has been raised to believe it's yours. And you are part of this. So today I think it's very important that we really, I mean, what do you do with these individuals have, and this is one of the numbers, but then after that I started practicing and I realized how people really constantly struggle. I mean there are some families here, they're like three generation.
Speaker 2:
6:08
Like for example from India, you'll get the grandparents are here, the parents are here and the kids are from here and therefore, you know they're still Indian. But I've had some families say, no, I don't have anybody in India that I belong to. I don't really have roots there. Of course you're not going to have roots there if you have three generation. I went the first generation, maybe they go back and come and maybe you go for visit, but you don't feel like you're a part of that. This is where you belong and because this is where you belong, it seems like, but you don't really belong. So people are like in the midst of two world, I'm not really Indian. Or this guy's like, I'm not Syrian, but I am not Kuwaiti. And what am I? And so you grow up. Can you imagine how hard it is when you get older?
Speaker 2:
6:51
You start to develop what your identity is and you can decide what you want it to be. You could have both. You can immerse yourself in both. Is the citizenship that important to you. But when you're thinking about it, the young adults, like the people I saw in the university or people that I see at the clinic, or even when you're a teenager and you go into school and being bullied because you're speaking in one dialogue, but everyone knows that that's not where your origin. So I feel like it is something people really struggle with a lot and the idea of having this sense of identity, it's very important for your growth. So all along your growing believing this. I even had a family, I had this girl one time now thinking about it, remembering it. This girl grew up not knowing that she is not squatty because the mom was Kuwaiti and the dad was something else.
Speaker 2:
7:40
I can't remember now, but she says grew up believing that she was, because mom is Kuwaiti. And then when she got to a particular age she realized, I don't know, the mom was hiding the identity that she is from another nationality and a mom made them believe that they were Kuwaiti. And when you're young like you don't know, you don't hold your passport with you unless the Mama's told you you're Kuwaiti and then you believe that you are and you go along believing that until she got to a particular age where somebody at school actually brought it up to her and she was really shocked and she went home and confronted her mom and asked her mom, is it true this person was making fun of me and saying that I'm not quailty am I, I can't even remember. I think maybe Iraqi. And the mom was like shut up really hard times.
Speaker 2:
8:25
Like it doesn't matter what you are, you know. She started to like try and to cover it up or trying to protect this girl and the girl was devastated because you grow up to believe you are something. And then when you're young you don't question it and then when you go to alter your question, and especially in this part of the world, they question it because when it comes close to marriage, because here you all along and just think about it. I mean if you think about the dynamic of what happens when I'm growing up believing that I am American and growing up to be American and then you're realizing really that is not my roots or here people growing up believing that their Kuwaiti and their parents hiding that identity and you know when you ask parents of why did you do that? Most of the time it's like I'm protecting my child.
Speaker 2:
9:08
I didn't feel like it was necessary for her to know. I didn't want her to go through a crisis and and maybe at that time, the month didn't understand the dynamic that this girl's going to go through when she gets a little older and maybe a lot of times parents feel like follow when she gets older. I'll tell her. But by then when she told her it was really traumatic experience because it's like what you never told to me that we're not, you never brought it up to me that I have a different identity and then somebody at school has to make fun of you. So I feel like people are really dismissing the sense of what does this do to me and what does it mean? Is it really all about citizenship? Is it about who I am identifying with? Is it a lot of to do with who am I as a person?
Speaker 2:
9:51
And I mean you're already struggling with who am I as a teenager and young adult and you're trying to put yourself somewhere and then to grow up to believe that. But there's also another dynamic is that you're rejected by the society that you are. And so here for example, the ideas is that you don't get citizen when you're born, you get your citizen by being in the families, you get some certain criteria is where you can get the earn the citizenship. But the idea is is that so here you don't have it and you grow up all your life believing that you're less than, because most of the time for marriage, for example, can you imagine somebody saying to me, I'm not going to marry you because you're not Kuwaiti. So you could be a wonderful person and you could be the best mom that you can be the best wife.
Speaker 2:
10:33
And ultimately it all stops there for whatever reason is like a family's here are very protective of that because they obviously are thinking of the offspring and they're thinking of the grandparent, their gang kids, and the struggle. And to be honest now, after 1415 years where I have seen couples that she's Kuwaiti, married to an [inaudible] and less therefore my western kind of a citizenship, they usually, their kids don't have a lot of benefits. Some kids are depends on the school. They really bully you for your nationality. And it's a struggle for them that some families I've known, they've even like had gone to the u s for example, or have brought their kids somewhere else because they feel like they're not going to be able to survive.
Speaker 1:
11:12
But even in general, I mean, looking at it from that perspective, I look at it from the perspective of my dad's Kuwaiti, my mom's American, and yet I faced the acceptance issues that I was othered also because I wasn't a full Kuwaiti. So even in university when I was president of [inaudible],
Speaker 2:
11:31
so council. Yeah, that's right. I remember that
Speaker 1:
11:34
Kuwaiti guy saying, you're not Kuwaiti enough, were like Mandy, with all due respect, you're just not Kuwaiti enough. And I looked at him and I was like, are you kidding me? I used other words.
Speaker 2:
11:42
Yeah. Has a lot of different, so what makes you Kuwait?
Speaker 1:
11:45
Yeah. It's like, well, you know, I think what makes me Kuwaiti or what makes anyone a citizen of, or a part of a society is what they're doing. Their contribution to
Speaker 2:
11:54
that society in general. So how did it make you feel when he said that? I mean, of course you obviously shared some nice words him, but I'm sure this was not the first time you heard Kuwaiti or wasn't. And in all honesty, I didn't give a shit. You know, personally, I didn't care. Yeah. It hurt me at the time, but I walked away from him saying, okay, you're saying I'm not quitting. Fine. I'm just going to win anyways. That was my mindset of challenge. Yeah. I mean, I always take the underdog approach. Yeah. And that's your personality actually. But some people do not take it as doc some down, even further them down further that of someone else that they would've said that to them, even though you don't really have to be Kuwaiti to run. I don't think so. Now I have to be created.
Speaker 2:
12:34
This was because it was to get the party involvement. I mean, it's like, you know how you have this group and that group. So I went over the expat group, right. And they all loved you. It was the Kuwaiti group that were like, no, we're not going to, you're not quading enough. And this came from a very close friend of mine and a guy that I respected a lot at the time. And when he said that to me, it was kind of like, really, all right, fine, screw you. I'm just going to do it anyways. But it is, but I was, I mean I get up from stuff like that. It doesn't knock me down. Whereas what you said is some people it just knocks them down and they might even pull out of the race entirely. Oh, of course. I said to them because of whether it's confidence issues or anything, but can you imagine like that was a race that someone said that to you and you have Kuwaiti anyways.
Speaker 2:
13:20
Can you imagine that here you are fighting your own identity? I mean, I've seen it in relationship where the girl falls in love with the guy as he's not Kuwaiti, but she speaks a dialect. She looks Kuwaiti and then when he asks her, she says, I am cool. I mean that just tells you that. How is she feeling about herself? Like to really lie about your own nationality, not because you're not, maybe because she doesn't have that connection. Like I've had a lot of patients like that for example now like why did you lie about it then? The answer is, is that because I don't feel that, I don't feel that I'm part of this other nationality. So if I say I'm Egyptian or Lebanese or whatever it is, I am not Egyptian because all my life I have been Kuwaiti. And then the second thing is, is that I had to lie because if I would have told him from the beginning that I'm not Kuwaiti, he wouldn't have liked me enough.
Speaker 2:
14:10
He wouldn't have even thought of me of marriage, for example. And then the idea is that you feel rejected and so automatically you've got this like list of like, I might as well just Sam quailty have them fall in love with me. And I'm thinking, well then I said, so what did you expect to happen after this case? A of that. I'm thinking about four years they were together. Now how did he not know? I mean sometimes you don't really need to notice the problem with the person of having the psychological issue or is it just society socks? I mean, know what I mean? Like it's boots, right? Because look at it, we're society nationality. Okay. It's a factor, but it's not that big of a factor nowadays. We, we can deny that here it is. [inaudible] you get messages that the idea is is that a lot of families, like there are some families that are very liberal and they're like, I mean I've seen them, they're like whatever my son and my daughter wants, they should be married to whoever they love.
Speaker 2:
15:04
But then the majority will say no, we want someone to be quailty. They know our culture, they know our tradition and we want our son to be married to that particular. So there is a criteria of who they want their son or their daughter to be married to. So, and then when you fall in love with someone that you didn't really know that they were not Kuwaiti, but then that says something about that person, like what does that say about her as she's, if you reject your identity and you've rejected your nationality, which means that you're rejecting you. And that's what people don't understand. No, you are not Kuwaiti. No Usu are raised here and you are born here and yes there is a lot of things you've learned from this culture. But ultimately who do you identify with? Now people might say, well no, identify Kuwaiti because I was raised here.
Speaker 2:
15:46
That's fine. So you've identified this, but then you have to come in term with, yes, I've identified with this culture, I am this culture, but I don't have the citizenship. And for some people that passport makes difference because it gives you legal rights to many things. We cannot deny that that's true. No, 100% and because it gives me legal rights to many things, these parents are not allowing their son to be married. I mean the son here, I think it's a little bit easier here. So you'll see a son, Kuwaiti son, married to a Lebanese Egyptians, Syrians because they are not worried because his kids are going to get the citizenship anyways. It's the girl that when she, when she is falling in love with someone else that is not Kuwaiti and she's Kuwaiti, then the struggle happens because the parents are worried about what will happen to their grandkids and sometimes it is reality.
Speaker 2:
16:33
Let's, we cannot minimize the need that when she's Kuwaiti and she married an Egyptian man for example, right. What happens? Her kids are going to be what? She's Kuwaiti but their kids don't get the citizenship so they'll have to get the Egyptian or the Iraqi, whatever the nationality of the father. Right, so now let's think about it. What are their rights living here, they don't have much learning. Now, just recently there have been some laws where it gave the kids of equating mothers some rights now, but totally you think about it, they are minimized. Where countries in get visas from, for example, what schools can they go to? Are they able to be able to use access to quit university, which is recently when I came here there wasn't that long. No, and then now they have that law, which is very good. They're starting to give some entitlements to the children of that have Kuwaiti mothers. Now I'm going to rock the boat a little. The Rock. You ready for this? That's why you're on this show. Show rock. That's why I been quiet the whole time. I've been formulating my, and I could see that like I could see like you're thinking, I'm thinking, oh my God, how can I set up a trip? All right, so identity is basically a social construction that all construct. That's
Speaker 1:
17:50
right. So the boundaries are created by society and what we have made it. That's right. Exactly right. Look at me. I'll be smart. Now when we look at male and female identity and what they identify as, because here in Kuwait, like everywhere else in the world, there are huge issues with identifying as a male or identifying as a female. Right? Right. And the rights and privileges you get, the rights and the privileges that you do because we know males, especially white males, they get all the privilege. [inaudible]. Exactly. And if you're a white female, you're not going to get paid the same as a white male. That's fine. And if you're a male that identifies as being as a woman nowadays in the Western society is okay. Right. And if you're a female that identifies as a male is still okay. That's fine. So yeah, see where I'm going.
Speaker 1:
18:42
I told [inaudible] that's why I'm here and this culture, what does that mean in this culture? We know what that means. You're going to jail basically. You know, because we're not there yet. I don't think we're there yet. And I don't know if we're ever going to get there. We have rights for individuals that have the third gender. Yeah. Right. And so I mean it's bad enough how, what's happening with males and females and what are the right, I mean obviously this is the Pacheoco I was going somewhere else with a question. Let me, let me, let me finish. Let me get, let me, cause I don't want to pigeon hole us into like going into the gender specific stuff, but I'm just using gender as an example of a social construct now with identity in terms of nationality. That also is sort of a social construct that we have built in society and I think if you look at the United States, I'll use them as an example, not Europe because I think in Europe they are just as racist as America if not more.
Speaker 1:
19:37
And in the states they're kind of getting more liberal about it and certain areas have a black man marrying a white woman, a white man marrying a black girl, you know what I mean? Like the constructs are getting broken down right now. How can we as individuals or as people come away from this and say, all right, I have been in Kuwait my whole life. I see myself as a Kuwaiti citizen or a person of Kuwait in the society because of the construction that the construct I've built. How do we get away from that and sort of accepting what we are accepting gender or accepting all of us, not gender, not equating or whatever, just accepting us, just being accepted, just accepting who we are. I think that's the goal, right? The goal is that we have to reach the level of acceptance and the idea is that you have to be comfortable with who you are. We are given labels by the society, right? So the idea is we need to understand because we are living in a society that gives me certain labels, we have to start realizing that we don't really live in a bubble and some of those labels we have to be able to
Speaker 2:
20:48
adhere to. But now we have to talk about two types of acceptance of internal acceptance and external acceptance. So I could be able to accept myself for who I am, but I know that the society doesn't really accept me the way I am now. You need to start getting to the idea where this society might never accept who I am. If I am comfortable with myself and I have confidence with who I am, it doesn't really matter what the society says that you are. So if you're born and raised here, but you don't have the Kuwaiti nationality, the ideas is I, what should you do? Should you go back to your country where you don't know anything? And you know, this is the struggle of even immigrants in the u s where their parents have immigrated to the u s and they were very small. Now they're born and raised or they came very small and they were raised in the u s where do you do with those immigrants that suddenly their parents are identifying themselves as Asian for example.
Speaker 2:
21:44
But the kids don't see themselves as Asian a, they've never gone back. I mean we have to think about what is identity. It's not just about being able to, so if these Asian kids are not going to identify with their country of origin because they don't go back as often, they don't have any contact to that culture. And all their contact comes from the surrounding and the environment that they live in. So they do see themselves as Americans while the parents are seeing themselves as Asians for example. And they also the language, there's a lot of variables that go along to my identity, the identity of, for example, my country, the language, the culture. And so these Asian kids in the u s they are raised to speak English or they're speaking English. Their parents are not speaking English that well. And so there's a minimal of communication between them.
Speaker 2:
22:31
And so therefore what happens is like these kids, what happens after a while, they grow up and they start to find an identity of both. And most kids that really do very well is that they start to accept that they do come from this country. So that's why a lot of times in America at first, I remember when I first went to the u s and I immigrated and I couldn't wait until I become citizen because I didn't want people to ask me, where were you from? Because then I'm identified as the immigrant. I mean, think about it, I was like maybe 13 or 12 I can't remember. Acclimate to become accepted or accept yourself for who you were in the sewers. At first I was like, oh, I can't wait til I get to citizen, because at that time, you know, you're 1112 you're thinking of, I just got the citizen then at least I'm not lying, and at least I'm saying, yes, I'm American.
Speaker 2:
23:15
So I got the citizen and then I remember why I just excited. So now I'm waiting for the first person to ask me, where are you from? And then they ask me, where are you from? And I said, I'm American. Of course I got the citizen now. So proud of myself. And then what do they say to me? No, no, no. I mean, where are you originally from? That devastated me. I was like, I worked so hard to get the citizen and now this person's asking me the origin of you because you don't look American, which is whatever that means. Right? So then at that moment I realized I'm never going to hide where I'm from. I even if I speak English and my language, my accent is a Chicago and the ideas is that people will always say even here they do it to me.
Speaker 2:
23:53
So they'll start speaking Arabic to me and sometimes I, I mean I speak or because sometimes I don't and the ideas is like, I'll speak English. I'm like, why did you speak Arabic to me? For example, like in a restaurant they'll give you the menu and it's an Arabic and I don't know how to read and write Arabic. So they give it to me and I'm like, can I have an English one please? And they're looking at me because I look at a, so they say to me, no, the idea is that you look at Arab. So the ideas is that here I realized, I mean I realized long time ago in order for me to really be able to function, I have to be able to realize that I am from both worlds and there are certain things makes me American, but there are a lot of other things that also make me an Arab.
Speaker 2:
24:30
So when it's concrete like that, it's easier. But when you come here and you come from an Arab country, but you're living in another Arab country, for example, and this is the country identify with, then you have to really be honest with yourself. You can identify, you could speak this language, but somehow you need to get to the point where you realize, don't be ashamed from where you came from. And I think this is what the problem is, is that people are starting to feel ashamed of where they came from. Maybe because they've been bullied by that country. They come from, or maybe because they've heard other people talking about bad, about other people that live in the surrounding region, for example. So you have to get to the point you gotta be proud of where you come from. You cannot dismiss that. So when I work with people all the time and they're like, no, no, no, but I am Kuwaiti and I just don't have the citizen.
Speaker 2:
25:15
I wish I had the citizen. I tell them that they need to really be realistic. The citizen, I never come. You cannot live in a world where you're denying yourself that your origin are important. Origins are important. Regardless if I was born in that country of are born here, everyone has an origin and these origins we need to be proud of. So what I tell people is that the more you accept where you come from and stop feeding into the stereotype, you're heard that you're from. So if you have a lot of stereotypes about Filipinos, for example, or Indians or Pakistanis and you're one of them, right? You are going to grow up feeling ashamed of those nationality and therefore you say to yourself, no, no, no, yes, my parents are Filipinos, but I was born and raised here. I speak Arabic. I don't really identify, I don't know nothing in the Philippines.
Speaker 2:
26:03
Well, what they need to do is start to understand their origin, understand where they come from, and be proud of it instead of feeding into these people saying it's very interesting because I had a student one time who came from two different nationalities and he told me he wasn't proud of the two nationalities he came from. And then that saddens me to be honest because it means that he's rejecting himself. People don't understand when they say my mom is from this place and my dad is from this place, two Arab countries and I'm not really proud of them. And also I blame the parents because the parents need to make their kids proud of where they come from. If you make your kid proud of where they come from, even if they are born and raised here and even if you cannot go back in the original country but speak that language, immerse them in memories of their grandparents, let them be proud of it in the house.
Speaker 2:
26:51
Then when they grow up they'll be okay with their identity. They'll say, I'm Kuwaiti, they'll say that I was born and raised here by my parents are Lebanese for example. It really depends on the parents and the environment you were raised in. I love that. So I mean I think you summed it up perfectly. So realization and then it's acceptance, transparency and then just being proud of it and then being the advocacy of it. That's right. Of being an advocate and like a brand advocate, you're surround yourself with people like yourself. That makes sense. No, that makes total, I mean, if you're not Kuwaiti, but you're born and raised here, but all your friends are Kuwaiti, you're never going to be proud that you're Syrian. I mean, going back to that first case, right, but the ideas is that that kid that I'm talking about, actually all his friends were Kuwaiti.
Speaker 2:
27:35
He did nothing. That was Syrian and actually used to have conflict with his parents because they wanted him to speak with a Syrian dialogue. He refused. So the only way why fight it, what you really need to do is realize this is the reality. This is where you come from. There's nothing you can do about it. Immerse yourself with some Syrian friends and immerse yourself with some Kuwaiti friends. Have a balance so that way the more we are with people that are similar to us, the more we will accept ourselves. And that's very, very important in identity. No, 100% that's very true. What would you teach me? Social affiliation. [inaudible]
Speaker 2:
28:09
I'm so proud that you really remember all this was a good class. I'm not sure of my students after that. Nowadays you ask them or like, oh, I forgot but I remembered this one thing you taught me. Identity is important. It really is and I think what you said is applicable to male and female also. Yes, it's true. It's just really comes down to what you said, realizing who you are and just accepting it and I mean even male and female, if you grew up in a home where they made the woman feel awkward, they've always praised the guy and constantly make comments that women are nothing but trouble. Men are better in this. I mean, you know, I've had homes where mom and dad advocate to have a boy for example, and they give the boy all these privileges. Making the girl feel like she is less competent, less willing, and her job is only in the house.
Speaker 2:
28:54
Well, if you teach that with your daughter, your daughter is not going to have confidence. She's always going to feed into the stereotype. But then there are families, their daughters grow up in a home where the males and females are equal, where they make comments about females that are positive as she grows up to be positive. And then she surrounds herself with other girls who are also positive and happy and proud to be girls. So if you surround yourself with the environment that really promotes and fosters this kind of confidence, you'll succeed. Versus the other ones that are walking around denying who they are until they get to the point where there's an obstacle. I think you just summed it up. I think we're done. So that's definitely a wrap. That was a yes. Thank you. And if anyone has any questions, DM, Dr Danka or the Project
Speaker 1:
29:42
Kuwait and we'll definitely answer yes. Thanks for listening to this episode. If you enjoyed it, please head over to iTunes to subscribe rate and leave a review. You can also find us on Instagram at Project Kuwait. Thank you. And join us next time.
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